Okay, so this blog is going to turn into to '101 great ways to get fat' but anyway.... This is a picture of the pumpkin loaf I made this evening. Mmmm...

Layered Pumpkin Loaf

Ingredients:

1 cup canned pumpkin

1 cup plus 2 tbsp granulated sugar

1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar

4 egg whites, divided

1/2 cup skim milk

1/4 cup canola oil

2 cups flour

2 1/2 tsp magic baking powder

2 tsp pumpkin pie spice*

1/4 tsp salt

1 pkg cream cheese, softened

* 1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp ginger

1/4 tsp cloves

Preheat oven to 350 degrees farenheit. Grease a non-stick 9x5 inch loaf pan; set aside. Mix pumpkin, 1 cup granulated sugar, the brown sugar, 3 of the eggs whites, milk and oil in a large bowl. Add flour, baking powder, pie spice and salt; stir just until moistened. Set aside. Beat cream cheese spread, remaining 2 tbsp granulated sugar and the remaining egg white with wire whisk until well blended.

Spoon half of the pumpkin batter into prepared pan; spoon cream cheese mixture evenly over the batter. Cover with remaining pumpkin batter.

Bake 1 hour to 1 hour 5 minutes or until wooden toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Run knife around edges to loosen. Cool in pan wire rack for 10 minutes. Remove break from pan to cool completely.

To store: Wrap cooled bread in foil or plastic wrap. Store in fridge for up to 4 days.

Welcome to my favorite time of year!!!

Mabon:

"Celebrated between September 20 and 22, Mabon or autumn equinox is the second day when daylight and darkness are equal, creating a mirror for you to look into as you seek balance and acceptance, weighing the bounty of your personal harvest gained through life's experience. It is a time to honor and separate your truth from your physical experience. This acknowledgement sanctifies the people, events and experiences impacting your being and your journey, without getting caught up in how life should look. It is a time once again to balance the light and the dark. Mabon is the second harvest of the year and [a day] of giving thanks. Simplify your life and rid yourself of unnecessary activity and clutter, in preparation for the silence of the darker months. Donate what you don't need. Clear the disorder of your mind and learn to sit with the quiet of the soul. Without rushing around, you will need to make peace with your shadow, which will help you release a bit more of the mask you show to the outer world and [lessen your] reliance on appearances. Give thanks and harvest what is helpful."

Whew, so that was a longer one (to type anyway!) but such a great one. I got up this morning, hit snooze a few times, and finally hit the road at about 9:00 am, to go spend the day painting at the apartment. It was a beautiful drive, which put me in a nice, calm mood. It's amazing how the reds are coming out this year - everything from firey orange, to scarlet reds, to deep purples are appearing on the tips of the leaves. This Fall is going to be a great one, unlike last year's where the trees turned yellow and the leaves fell off almost immediately. And they're turning quickly now. When I emerged from the apartment, at about 5:00 pm, and drove home, I noticed the striking difference between the morning (where there were patches of red here and there amid the green leaves (with the exception of one gorgeous display of sumaks along the highway that were completely blazing orange and red)) and the evening where now, interspersed between the red was a deep golden colour. Even tonight, as we were walking through the park in the dark, the moon was out, and Luc said 'strange, the moon is overhead, yet the sun is still shining on the tops of those trees' - it totally LOOKED like the setting sun was reflecting on the tree tops, but it was actually the orange leaves - very cool! I'll have to try to get a picture of it tomorrow. I'm also hoping to maybe get a burning bush for the yard eventually, as I saw the neighbours have one and it's beeeautiful right now... :)

Anyway, so my first day of Fall was spent mostly holed up in our apartment, painting away, and also performing the semi-painful task of meeting with the real estate agent to get it listed on the market. :( I promised the house and myself (yes I'm crazy) that I wouldn't sell it, and here I am, doing just that... But when I got home, I noticed the bathroom here is starting to look 'saggy', moldy and neglected, the kitchen is filthy and begging to be redone, and well, there are many things here that need to be done, and we never have the time, energy or money because we're constantly worrying about that other house. So hopefully cutting back this gigantic piece of 'clutter' from my life will help to realign us with what we want in life and we'll be able to enjoy ourselves just a little bit more!! :)

Anyway, I'm going to go eat some apple pie and vanilla icecream (excuse: the apple is a symbol of autumn equinox... ;) ) Hope if anyone is reading this, that they take the opportunity to embrace this time of year and go pick some apples (make a pie!), design an autumn wreath, take pics of the trees, or just take a walk outside in the crisp air and ENJOY the first days of Fall!!!

xo

So I attended my first-ever book launch last night for a book of poetry titled 'Two Hemispheres' by Nadine McInnis. In it, she features 10 photographs taken in the 1850's at a prominent asylum in England. The portraits have no names, no history, no diagnosis, just the images, and through the course of a year, she studied each one and thoughtfully devised a story for each, which she captures in a poem.

I was struck by one of her poems last night, ( at least in the way I interpreted it) that seemed to suggest that 'insanity' or mental instability as we know it, is thought of as the brain not being able to keep up to society's fast-paced demands, and thus it is a defective brain - but, in actual fact, the brain itself, an organ that 'exploded', evolving in a tremendously short period of time from a flight or fight response system to a complex logical processor capable of handling all the abstract challenges of today's world, sometimes becomes frustrated, as the flight or fight instincts have not disappeared, and are now firing at random as we drone on in an unstimulating world of 'bus walls' and computer screens.
It hit me that perhaps, the problem truly isn't that people need therapy, drugs, holistic approaches, support groups, etc to cope with this life, but instead, further reinforced the idea that our brains just cannot deal with all the meaningless, insignificant crap that surrounds us. It made me remember a book (which for the record, at the time, I didn't like, but suddenly have gained an appreciation for - the subject anyway). Farenheit 451 - by Ray Bradbury, written back in the fifties, when radio was threatening to diminish the joy of learning and thinking for oneself and television was on the horizon to destroy it. It's interesting that, in high school, we were taught that the premise of the book really was to bring to light how governments use extreme censorship and 'brainwashing' of society as a whole, to keep people docile and maleable. In reality, as I see it now, his book was a fortelling of the future, like none other I've seen, and it's scary... He was interviewed by the LA Times (http://www.laweekly.com/news/news/ray-bradbury-fahrenheit-451-misinterpreted/16524/) and explained that he's often angered when people try to tell him that his book was about government manipulation and censorship. Instead, he explains it was about, 'how television destroys interest in reading literature...' His fear, at the time, was that radio's constant barrage of information, noise and distraction was making it difficult for anyone to sit down and truly focus on a book, delving deeply into a subject. That, to me, is exactly why I have encountered whole books dedicated to 'Scanners' (people who cannot specialize in any one thing and instead learn to thrive on jumping from one thing to the next in life), as the age of the 'specialist' is dead and gone, which you can see evidence of in art, science, careers and even family life.
Anyway, to get back to my point, I was thinking of the people close to me (and though never formally 'treated', I'd include myself in this group), who have had to deal with some sort of mental/emotional issues that have resulted in their not having the ability to cope with today's world. These people (and they really are the majority in society now) rely on expensive therapy sessions, cocktails of pills, fad diets, and shows like Dr. Phil, to attempt to twist their exhausted minds to fit with the rest of our crazy, apathetic, zoned out society. That's when it hit me that we really are like the people in Farenheit 451. It's to the point now where you might feel 'stressed' and the first piece of advice you'll get is to run to the doctor to pop the latest pill... Kind of reminds me of the way they used to throw harmless people, who perhaps had hormonal imbalances, or who were suffering from depression into mental institutions where they only served to go mad as a result of being surrounded by people who were constantly telling them 'you're crazy'... Anyway, in the book, which takes place in a futuristic America, people are taught that books are bad, and firemen exist solely to locate books and burn them. The interesting parallel though, comes with how people live. They are taught that reading, thinking, appreciating nature and each other, is of little to no importance, and actually should be avoided. To do this, they pop pills to numb their minds, stare at wall-sized televisions all day, prefering their shows over the company of their friends and family, speak apathetically and superficially about an impending war, as though it was just something on TV, and not people's lives at stake - the TV basically becomes their lives, and the people on it their families and they stay 'plugged in' to the network of useless information and distracting 'factoids' via tiny 'sea shell ear buds' all day so as to keep their doped up state of false happiness going at all times. Now, if that doesn't sound like us, I don't know what does! Just in my own home, Luc and I own multiple mp3 players, radios, televisions (including a 50" flat screen), XBoxes and internet access from anywhere in the house (via laptop or our PC), and we're probably considered one of the lesser set-up families! The scary part is that I have found in the past few years, I've felt more comfortable and safe spending my evenings watching television or surfing the web, and will almost always choose to send an e-mail or post a message to facebook to avoid having to actually talk to anyone on the phone (let alone face to face!). Friends let me down, people hurt my feelings, and in my 21st century self-indulgent way, I draw further into myself, pop my earphones in so I don't have to make small talk at the bus shelter, avoid going out when I can just stay home and watch a movie, all the while it is a rare occurence where I might actually pick up one of 25 paint brushes that I own, and attempt to put something onto a canvas, though I've been catering to that side more and more lately.
Anyway, I'm sure that nowadays, people are recognizing more and more that his book really does draw some significant parallels to what our society has become. So the question is, do we stand up for ourselves and try to loosen the grip that the 'evil machine' has on us, or do we pop another pill and go catch an episode of 'Big Brother' and forget all about it? Makes me wonder, it really does. I'm not a 'tree hugging hippy', nor am I a die-hard green-peace environmentalist, and I too get caught up in the belief that those people are just attention hogging, mindless extremist hypocrites who really need to 'relax', but it does give me a sense of hope that perhaps we are in the midst of a slow 180, with all the increased interest in initiatives to 'slow time', 'recapture a love of nature', 'living simply', 'putting family first', finding religions that align more closely to an enhanced awareness of the Earth we live on and the complex relationships between everything one and everything on this planet... Maybe... I know one thing, I had a goal at one time to read one book a month. Not just fiction, but anything - if something captures my interest, I'd read it. I think I need to set a new goal for myself - I must go get a library card!! (But first, I have to find the library!).
Anyway, food for thought... I just think it's neat to see how we still do have those surprising and unlikely 'prophets' (and not in a religious sense) among us, it just takes us too long to realize it!
S

I haven't written on here in a long time, and for good reason - I've been swamped with 'things to worry about' and 'things to do', which seems to be the norm in my new life as a suburbanite with two apartments and a 'budding career'...

That being said, at least the Fall has finally started to decend upon us and I find that every day I'm faced with something beautiful that helps me to appreciate the 'bigger things' in life (beyond all the little things that stress me out). The leaves on the trees have started to turn, so every now and then, in the midst of all the green, you see a brilliant scarlet and gold tree that, to me, is truly heart-warming. I adore the Fall colours. :) Last weekend, I was taken by a 'fit of inspiration' and despite the fact I was battling a horrible cold, I managed to take what was left of the apples and make two pies, once which I fed to the boys and the other I froze. It is a recipe my Mom has made often for us, combining the best of both the apple crisp and apple pie worlds (it's a pie with a crumb top). I was happy to see they both turned out well (if anyone ever sees how I roll out dough, that'll be the end of my pie-making days, let's just say it usually involves lots of wax paper, a rolling pin, way too much flour, various heavy objects in the kitchen, and a few curse words).
Anyway, I plan to bake a pumpkin/cheese cake loaf this weekend to celebrate the first day of Fall, and I'm hoping to get out to the local farmer's market for the FIRST TIME this year, to buy some seasonal produce that I can use to make another batch of cabbage soup (mmmm so good). I am sad that I haven't been able to go to my parents' farm, where they have a litter of 6 week old puppies to play with, however it's been a really tough few months and we're still ploughing through the tough stuff to hopefully get to a place where we can relax and actually have SPARE TIME in which to ask ourselves 'gee, what do we feel like doing?' instead of running in eight different directions to get things done. I have to paint the apartment, starting this weekend, which will be a project that spans over the next two weeks (primer has to dry, coats of paint have to dry, not to mention the taping that has to go on first, which is my least favorite job).

We finally got the contractor to show up (not a great sign that it took him TWO weeks to actually come in and give us an estimate, and due to a poor communication between him and my significant other, I was stuck there yesterday morning, waiting for two and a half hours, and he never showed up). I do have some false sense of hope that he might be able to get the work done before our tenants come in, as he did say it would only take three days to fix the drywall, put up tub-surround, put in a new window (with the possibility of making it smaller which would be good) and if there wasn't one in stock, just getting rid of it altogether (I don't mind!), and installing a fan. Then all I have to do is slop some oil-based paint on there and away we go.

We were talking to him about owning a rental unit, and he was telling us that he used to do that but sold them. I hear that from a lot of people. Up until now, we've been fairly blessed that our tenants haven't destroyed the property in any way, or left with 'doors, curtains, lightbulbs and anything else that wasn't nailed down' as the contractor was telling us his tenants frequently did. However, the amount of stress that is coming between Luc and I (me screaming, yelling, planning, setting expectations, managing the money, nagging, and crying and him trying his best to get things done but generally overlooking the little things that ultimately come back to bite us in the ass and then having to deal with my nagging, etc) and I don't think it's worth it anymore. Sure, it's a great investment, however I was thinking yesterday of where I truly want to be, and it's totally not where we are.

I think that if we were to unload the apartments and just concentrate on upgrading our own house (new floors, new front and back doors, some painting and decorating, new kitchen), we could make a decent enough profit on it in five years or so, and then go move south of Ottawa somewhere, in a smaller community, where I might be able to find a charming older home with old barns, a couple acres, and expansive 'pastoral views' to greet me everyday. When I think about places we've lived, like New Lowell and Qu'Appelle - small towns, where 'everyone knows everyone', one thing I miss is the sense of all being in it together. Sure there's the gossip, the neighbourly fights, the 'outsiders syndrome' that I know all too well, but there are also dinner theatres, country fairs, home-town hockey games, community dances and parties, things to bring you together with your neighbours to socialize! And then there's the dream I have of owning a home with something like this:

where I could have a pottery room, painting loft, maybe a few chickens, etc. and really feed my artsy side in a more inspiring setting. :)

Last but not least, I don't like the idea of our children growing up in the city. Kids will be kids and they'll find less than desirable things to do to keep themselves entertained, but there's a big difference between rolling hay bales onto people's front yards for a joke and hanging out at the local crack house somewhere in the city.
Anyway, back to reality here... So tonight I'm 'treating' myself with a trip to the Nicholas Hoare Books bookstore, with my brother (who invited me), to attend a 'book launch' by one of his professors. I was very honoured that he thought to invite me as he figured I'd be interested in checking out what exactly a book launch is like, as both he and I have never been to one. So that'll be fun! I was sad to hear that Diana Gabaldon was in Ottawa last night, and one of Luc's coworkers had an extra ticket, but it was mentioned at dinner, half-way through an argument of sorts and I didn't pursue it. Oh well, I do love her books but I had no idea what she was there to speak about. Will have to google it later!
Anyway, better get to work now... S

Well, I must say, I do feel very relaxed and happy today (which is rare and even more surprising than usual as it's MONDAY). I think it's due in large part to the fact I had a wonderful weekend, which, though we did have some errand-running to do, largely consisted of watching movies (including an old favorite: My Best Friend's Wedding), starting (and restarting for a total of five times) to knit a scarf for the fall, walks around the neighbourhood with my poochie, and spending a few long, glorious hours in the backyard with him in the sunshine, while I cleaned out my garden area (bundling sticks and bagging weeds). I even managed to paint his doghouse (a nice shade of blue) which I'm hoping to finish off with a white trim, and made a sign (picture to follow) for the door of his run, which I decorated with gawdy plastic fall flowers courtesy of the Dollar Store. (He loves it, I'm sure.. ;) )

Anyway, for the most part, things were great, that is until I was chatting casually on the phone to my Dad, who was recounting moments of his youth (which consisted mainly of whipping various types of berries at his siblings :) ). This led to me eating a berry off my tree (which at the time I still didn't know the species of). Then a continued conversation with my mother, where we discussed the 'wild grapes' growing along the fence, where I again 'tasted' a berry, before deciding that 'these grapes must be the wine type because they taste horrible'... Yes, horrible indeed. It would appear that I ingested poisonous Elderberry (which is only edible if cooked), and even more poisonous Virginia Creeper berry (which is so stupid as I KNOW what virginia creeper looks like, it's just the first time I've seen it grow such nice plump blue berries like that!)Shortly after tasting the VC berry, my tongue and lips began to sting, at first just mildly, like I had perhaps eaten a thistle (or like if you get the fuzz from a kiwi in your mouth). It progressed quickly into more of a burning sensation, like hot sauce, but without the taste to it. Gradually, a headache started, which, after I had gone to sleep, developed into a WICKED, head-pounding, face/neck/jaw pain type of headache, like none I've ever had before (I had to replace my normal pillow which is 'firm' with a really fluffy one because my head was so sore), and then finally tapering off with a milder headache and some light nausea (didn't throw up though) at around 5:00 am. Sooo, without further ado, if you're ever so inclined to eat the weeds in your backyard, think again. I had always known that many plants we have in our house and yard are poisonous, but after researching it, I realized that MOST plants we have around are poisonous (though some can become edible once cooked), and it doesn't take much more than tasting the juice from a berry to bring on a very uncomfortable evening. Had I eaten a handful, I'd be in the ER right now as VC berries in particular can cause death. Even things like rhubarb leaves (deadly), and potato flowers/berries (didn't know they produced berries but apparently they do), can cause death... If you're curious about what's in your yard, google 'poisonous plants and berries' and check out the many sites available. It's good to know (especially if you have kids!) as some don't even have symptoms and will quite suddenly lead to death (freaky).
In my yard: (And this is by far not all of them):

1. The vine on the fence is Virginia Creeper (which I knew but disregarded at the time) - the leaves are thin, jagged edged leaves (in groups of five) that are turn red in the Fall). The berries (which resemble small clusters of dark blue grapes) have been known to cause death, if eaten in mass quantities, and can irritate (cause vomiting, and/or irritated bowel, rashes and skin irritation (which I think was the stinging on my lips and tongue) and a variety of other symptoms, including headache, which I suffered from). Luckily, I didn’t eat the berries, I just split one open and licked the syrup stuff coming out of it… THAT was enough to make my mouth sting for about an hour and give me a partly sleepless night…

2. The vines that grow purple flowers with red berries that I transplanted from our apartment (and that grow all over Aylmer, including all along the fence in the backyard) may actually be the plant ‘Deadly Nightshade’, whose berries are EXTREMELY poisonous (especially when they're still green)… I’ll have to check to see if the berries on mine are turning black or not, as DN's berries go from green to red to black – it may not be the same thing – but I’ve photographed it numerous times in the woods – now at least I know what it is!.


3. The tree by the deck, which again has serrated edged leaves, and grows white flowers all throughout the spring and into summer, that are replaced by purply-red (appetizing looking) berries is an Elderberry. I took one berry, chewed it, then spit it out. Again, all parts of the tree, including the berries are poisonous, causing nausea and digestive upset. However, if you cook the berries, they’re apparently very popular for medicinal purposes, and make a good jam, pie and/or wine.

Yeh me… ;)
While I'm on the topic of poisoning oneself, another thing to mention is the recent discovery that both grapes and raisins are highly toxic to your canine friends... (Which is scary considering how many times I shared a grape or two (or three or four) with Shadow...) Apparently, up until recently, people used raisins as rewards in training, if you're one of them, give that habit up immediately!!!

On my bus route, there is a 'grand' old house with a large yard that is for sale. I was curious and looked it up online - it's going for $300,000. Gotta love Gatineau - in Ottawa it'd be at LEAST $600,000...
Anyway, on my way through the hundreds of listings to find this house, I saw many very nice houses - and started to feel depressed. ;) That's why I don't 'window shop' for anything. If I can't have it, I get sad. Anyway, I started to think of things that I liked about those houses, and wondered if there were ways that I could achieve the same feel in our own home. I came up with a surprising list of things we can do to really make it look snazzy. Each room needs some small thing, such as: Downstairs:- Dog room: needs a railing (right now the stairs into it from the basement are 'open';- Rec Room: needs shelving, a coffee table, a proper tv stand and perhaps cream coloured tightly woven carpet, along with a fresh coat of 'cream' and a dark navy/green colour on the walls, plus a new light (the one we have is horrible - it's MADE to look filthy);- Bathroom: Well, it needs a new tub, but we're not getting into that, so a nice new shower head, light fixture and maybe have the shelving put up on the wall (instead of resting on the back of the toilet);- Office: Paint the walls the deep tan and burgundy we picked out and hang the burgundy shelving we have for our books - new blinds would be nice too;- Spare bedroom: Add a futon, put the smaller tv stand in the corner with the tv and dvd player, put weights, yoga stuff and exercise videos in there with some pretty plants and voila!;
Upstairs:- Front entryway: tile the floor, remove carpet from stairs and refinish the wood, new solid wood front door (wide one) with french type windows;- Living room: hang up pictures that are currently leaning on the wall and perhaps paint a cool picture to go above the couch on the long wall. Buy some wooden venetians for the bay window (for the winter time especially!);- Dining Room/Kitchen: Ceramic tile on the floor, new counter tops, knock out wall between dining/kitchen and replace with an island, recessed pot lights over the sink (new faucet), those cute lights on the long stems over the island, cupboards with glass fronts on upper cabinets, French-style 'terrace' door leading onto deck;- Bedroom: (simple!) Shutter style closet doors (white);- Floor throughout: refinish the hardwood a medium warm tone;
Not all of it is expensive, you can find a lot on usedottawa and kijiji nowadays (I've already contacted a few people who are selling odds and ends after renos). So we'll see. I know it'll be a long process (I'm thinking hopefully over the next five years we'll tackle most of it), but I'm hoping that with time, patience, and a little imagination we can create a charming, inviting space to live and entertain in. :)

This past weekend was an interesting one, and in many ways, restful (which I needed). Physically, I was constantly working on one thing or another, but mentally, I clocked out and and just enjoyed my days and nights. I spent Saturday afternoon in the backyard with Tigger, cleaning out and organizing the shed (Luc surprised us part-way through with icecream cones which was very sweet as it was EXTREMELY hot out!!) Then Saturday evening, we went on a date, which we haven't done in a looong time. We drove down by the marina in Aylmer and decided to try out a little bistro with a patio (though we ended up sitting inside as it was too full). The atmosphere was very calm and 'artsy', the music was good, and the service, for the most part was good. I had the grilled tuna steak with dill sauce (not as good as when Luc makes it, I have to say), and Luc had a big steak topped with risotto cheese (which is very 'aromatic' - to say the least). ;) Anyway, after we finished up there, we headed into the New Edinburg neighbourhood in Ottawa, to attend the Lumiere Festival. It was very cool. Here are some pictures:

It was just as I imagined it to be, pathways lit with glowing paper lanterns, paper maché sculptures, and crowded with people of every age. There were musicians, dancers, fire show people, people on stilts (they scare me), and women dressed as fairies who would flit around through the bushes, with candles in their hands, stopping every so often to do some sort of choreographed 'candle-dance' which was interesting (I have to admit, I wanted to be one - they were so beautiful in their white gowns and big white fluttery wings!! Totally engaged my 'dressup' side! :) )
Anyway, once we'd done the rounds, we met up with some friends for a drink at a pub in the market area, and then headed home. Sunday was more of the same - I ran errands, cleaned up the office (it's starting to look like a very spacious, inviting office and painting room). :) We still need to take down the baby wall-border and paint it, but for now it looks a million times better just having had the boxes unpacked or stored in the closet, and a tropical tree added (sale at Zellers, woohoo!).
I got Waverly's latest newsletter today (School of the Seasons) and, as always, enjoyed reading it immensely. Everything she talks about always has an odd way of coinciding with something going on in my life. Even simple things like, a few weeks back, I was sitting waiting for the bus, when a huge (the biggest I've ever seen) black crow swooped down and stood beside me. He was absolutely beautiful (and thankfully didn't 'squawk' at me). Watching him, I realized how interesting those birds are, and I did a little research on them the next day. They're highly intellegent birds, and they have some 'endearing' qualities too like their love for shiny objects (I can understand totally, ha ha). Anyway, so last night I was walking along the side of the soccer field near my place with Tigger, and a big black crow was picking cheese off a McDonalds wrapper on the ground. I expected him to fly away (Tigger has a fascination with birds and I'm always afraid he'll catch one in his mouth like my Dad's dog used to do). Anyway, he didn't fly away until he'd neatly torn the corner of paper off that contained the cheese he wanted, and then he picked it up and flew it into the field where he landed and continued to pick at the cheese. Quite remarkable if you think about it. So back to Waverly, she mentioned crows (and her love of them) in her newsletter, and recommended the following book, which she is currently reading: Song of the Crow by Layne Maheu, Unbridled Press 2006
Maybe I'll give it a try when I'm done my Irish ghost stories book. ;)

Another thing she discussed was how the seasons are divided in our calendar and how many people choose to mark the seasons themselves (in order to align them more closely with what is actually happening outside). I find that our seasons in Canada are actually pretty well marked, but I did notice things like, in February, Waverly (who lives in Washingon) was talking about walking through the neighbourhood which was filled with spring flowers and warm spring breezes while I was huddled in my back office with the space heater on, counting the days until the snow would melt, which wasn't for another two months. Anyway, she mentioned in her newsletter, that long ago, they used to say that August 2 (around Lammas) was the first day of Autumn. She divides Autumn into two parts, 'early Autumn' which is August 2 - September 22, and 'late Autumn' which is September 23rd to the end of October. I like that. Last night I had a wonderful sleep, thanks to the cool, crisp late-summer air that was coming in through the windows (a welcome relief from the steam-bath we've been living in the last couple of weeks). And today it's a high of +24, which is beautiful - I feel energized, and look forward to my evening stroll, instead of dreading it (it's not as fun in +35). So I'm going to (quietly) recognize this as early Autumn, the start to the Harvest season, and that makes me happy - sunshiny, golden days are ahead, it's my fave time of year, and I'm so glad it's here!! :)
S

Frost... Snowy sunset, crunch and plumes of steam as our breath hangs on the air. The snow is painted blues, pinks and golds, our shadows scattered and distorted along the tops of drifts, as we push onward against the cold, looking forward to a nice hot cup of tea... That's where I wish I was, in some ways. I love the summer, with its bright, sunshiney days and sprays of flowers along the pretty banks of the river, but I also do look forward to the spice and excitement of Fall, followed by the glorious silence of winter when the world stops racing, time slows down a bit, and those endless job lists that were plaguing us all summer go to sleep... We wake in the dark, work away all day in the warmth of artificial lights, and when we emerge, bundled in soft woolen mitts and scarves, coats meeting the tops of our tall boots, the sun is setting again, and the twinkle and glitter of holiday lights wink their joy down at us from the frozen tree tops. After a hot, comforting supper, it's dark and calm as I wash up the dishes and tidy the kitchen. Then bundling back up in 'long-johns' and heavy boots, Tigger and I will set out into the dark, where snowflakes swirl down around the street lamps and the ice sparkles like crystal, reflecting those heavily adorned lawns with their giant 'bonhommes' and christmas light reindeer. Then I often spend my evenings in candlelight with some good music - Norah Jones, Hayley Sales (this year), Annie Lennox or KT Tunstall... There, in my softly lit living room, I while away the hours quietly working on small projects I had no time for in the summer when the demands of inside and out were constantly tugging at me from every direction... Sounds darn good huh? I won't mention the biting cold that whips through your clothing and sinks into your bones, or the fact that sunlight becomes a scarce resource that most of us who are stuck inside rarely get a chance to feel on our skin... Or that winter and this darkness lasts about 6 months of the year, those months that seem to drag on forever. But right about now, it's looking VERY enticing. :)

Can you tell I'm tired?

Well, due to the fact I forgot my herbal at home, and I don't have access to the Internet, I had to post my Lammas info from another source (School of the Seasons). I've taken a selection from what Waverly suggests this holiday is about:
"Honoring the Grain God or Goddess Bake a loaf of bread on Lammas. If you've never made bread before, this is a good time to start. Honor the source of the flour as you work with it: remember it was once a plant growing on the mother Earth. If you have a garden, add something you've harvested--herbs or onion or corn--to your bread. If you don't feel up to making wheat bread, make corn bread. Or gingerbread people. Or popcorn. What's most important is intention. All that is necessary to enter sacred time is an awareness of the meaning of your actions. "
"Corn Dolly Another way to honor the Grain Goddess is to make a corn doll. This is a fun project to do with kids. Take dried-out corn husks and tie them together in the shape of a woman. She's your visual representation of the harvest. As you work on her, think about what you harvested this year. Give your corn dolly a name, perhaps one of the names of the Grain Goddess or one that symbolizes your personal harvest. Dress her in a skirt, apron and bonnet and give her a special place in your house. She is all yours till the spring when you will plant her with the new corn, returning to the Earth that which She has given to you."
"Food for Thought Lammas is a festival of regrets and farewells, of harvest and preserves. Reflect on these topics alone in the privacy of your journal or share them with others around a fire. Lughnasad is one of the great Celtic fire-festivals, so if at all possible, have your feast around a bonfire. While you're sitting around the fire, you might want to tell stories. Look up the myths of any of the grain Gods and Goddesses mentioned above and try re-telling them in your own words.
Regrets: Think of the things you meant to do this summer or this year that are not coming to fruition. You can project your regrets onto natural objects like pine cones and throw them into the fire, releasing them. Or you can write them on dried corn husks (as suggested by Nancy Brady Cunningham in Feeding the Spirit) or on a piece of paper and burn them.
Farewells: What is passing from your life? What is over? Say good-bye to it. As with regrets, you can find visual symbols and throw them into the fire, the lake or the ocean. You can also bury them in the ground, perhaps in the form of bulbs which will manifest in a new form in spring.
Harvest: What have you harvested this year? What seeds have your planted that are sprouting? Find a visual way to represent these, perhaps creating a decoration in your house or altar which represents the harvest to you. Or you could make a corn dolly or learn to weave wheat. Look for classes in your area which can teach you how to weave wheat into wall pieces, which were made by early grain farmers as a resting place for the harvest spirits.
Preserves: This is also a good time for making preserves, either literally or symbolically. As you turn the summer's fruit into jams, jellies and chutneys for winter, think about the fruits that you have gathered this year and how you can hold onto them. How can you keep them sweet in the store of your memory? "

I think I might try to at least bake some bread, as I remember I had wanted to do last year (but as usual, was too busy with something-or-other to do it). The only problem this year is that our stove doesn't quite fit comfortably between the wall and the counter in our kitchen, so I'm afraid that it may be too snug to be safely baking things in it (there's like maybe a few mm between each side and the walls). I do like the idea of really reflecting on our accomplishments so far - as we are celebrating an end to all the madness (working 8 hour days, then racing over to the apartment to work on it for four or five hours at a time). Our tenants picked up their keys yesterday and are moving in today. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it all goes smoothly and we'll be able to finally turn our attentions toward our own house and its myriad of things that need to be done. Anyway, I can certainly be thankful that we stuck with it and got through the crazy month of July (we knew it would be difficult but it seriously tested all our strength, both inner and outer). Now I am looking forward to working on my gardens, cooking real food again, enjoying leisurely walks with Luc and Tigger in the evenings, and actually being able to keep the place clean and tidy as there will be fewer mad dashes out the door (hopefully) in the evenings. :)
Yesterday, it occurred to me that I really am proud of us, as I stood, power drill in hand, looking around at the cozy, clean apartment we were about to offer to our tenants. I never in a million years would have seen us renting apartments out and there is a small sense of pride and accomplishment when you can turn over the keys to a place you love, with the knowledge that the people moving in will surely love it too (maybe not as much as we did, but they'll make it their own and in time will come to love things about it too, I'm sure). For a moment, a week or so ago, I had thought we should sell it. But yesterday I realized that we had put way too much blood, sweat and tears into it to just let it go for nothing. So hopefully we'll hold onto it until we're ready to move again, then sell both places, collect a bit of money for a downpayment on a new place, and then finally settle in somewhere permanent (or at least longer term). :)
Anyway, so here's to a summer of hard work and learning experiences - now we get to sit back and enjoy a bit of the 'harvest' which is enjoying our new life in beautiful Aylmer. :)
S

So here's a fun thing, I was looking at (and Luc made the mistake of replanting the seed yesterday when he brought up moving to New Zealand for a year or two) this site: http://www.homeexchange.com/view_listings.php a while back. It has listings of people from all over the world who are looking for people to exchange homes with. Some are simply offering their cottages out for a long weekend (in exchange for your home in the city), others are looking for a few weeks, or in some cases even a year, in another country. :) I think that would be so cool, and it would be a great opportunity for us to see a bit of the world before life catches up with us any more. I won't get myself too excited about it yet, but hey, we're young, neither one of us has 'THE JOB' yet, we have no kids, we are not afraid to rent our properties out, so really all that is left is to find somewhere that we could both get a job for a year (someplace warm and beautiful), grab some airplane tickets for us, our two cats and our doggie, and away we would go! It would be so awesome!

I'm neurotic, I bring it all on myself, but it's still fun to dream.. :)

Hack Day...
I just read an article on a new concept that high-tech employers are using to help motivate their employees. It's called 'Hack Day' - a day where employees are encouraged to come to work in casual clothing, fed snacks and soft-drinks and are encouraged to 'create' with reckless abandon. The creating doesn't even have to necessarily have anything to do with their business, it's a chance to get your brain working, maybe get a little imagination and enthusiasm going, and generally encourage people to sharpen their skills in programming (or whatever strengths they have). I would LOVE such a day - there are countless programs I've been wanting to write for our office, like a defect tracking system, where our bugs and fixes could be logged and tracked in a database and reported on. It would replace our existing tool that has a lot of limits that make our jobs just that much more tedious to do. Problem is, I don't have time to work on it and even if I wanted to work on it between tasks, I get so wrapped up in these things when I start them, that everything else would become a frustrating deviation from the interesting work I'm trying to do. My boss probably wouldn't love that... ;)

The article mentioned examples like building an application that would notify you every time new music was available for download to your iPod, or building a time forecasting system to predict and track how long it takes your company to complete a task. These things may never actually be used for business-purposes, or maybe they would be, but all in all, it would allow people to take the time to expand an idea and really run with it, while learning new valuable programming skills at the same time.
Of course, here at the gov't, it's a very different environment, I'd go as far as to say it's not a highly motivational environment compared to private industry where your productivity DIRECTLY impacts your bottom line. Here, there are too many layers of bureaucracy and red tape to allow you to do anything like a 'hack day' and honestly, people probably don't care as much because the person managing the budget is more than likely not the person who is doling out the work (hence the reason why a lot of work is forgotten about). Anyway, I thought it was a neat concept. I think my dream job would be one where I could bring my pet to work (to keep him in a 'doggie daycare' style facility as some companies are now doing), and where every Monday could be a hack day. ;) Then I'd be a happy girl.

Woohoo - Lowell Greene watch out! I've started a new career/hobby in publishing 'bitch-fests' - check out Saturday's Ottawa Citizen.. ;)

Put a leash on Bowser to protect neighbours
The Ottawa CitizenPublished: Saturday, July 21, 2007
Having recently moved to the suburbs, I've discovered a safety issue when walking the streets of my Aylmer-sector neighbourhood: loose dogs.
In the past week, I have been surprised to see many dogs roaming around, and twice have been confronted by hostile, large breed dogs (a Doberman and a Rottweiler), which tried to attack my puppy while the owners were either inside the house or were not watching their dogs. Why aren't people tying up or restraining their dogs on their property? Not only is there a risk to passersby, but to the dogs themselves.
I urge anyone who owns a dog to enrol it in at least a basic obedience class, and regardless of age, breed or temperment to keep it in a well-fenced yard, tied, or on leash at all times. My dog is treated this way to keep him safe and to prevent any unnecessary accidents.

I resent not feeling safe in my neighbourhood. It is the responsibility of any dog owner to ensure the safety of their animal, and anyone who might come in contact with it. If you can't handle this responsibility, don't own a dog!
Unfortunately, I am seriously considering carrying pepper spray to ward off potential attacks by large dogs. This is unfair to the dog, of course, as it is only acting on instinct to protect its property. But if the owners feel that the risk of vehicular accidents, dog bites, lawsuits, vet bills and even death are worth allowing Bowser to roam the yard, then I see no other option.
Shelley Kerr, Gatineau
© The Ottawa Citizen 2007

Well, we finally got the fridge delivered this morning. They scratched it on the way out of the truck, and they forgot to give us the screws for the doors, plus, the door doesn't seal properly, so it's going back. Unfortunately, in my excitement, I forgot that fact and loaded it up with all our food that had been crammed into the little old fridge out in the 'dog room' (made dinner prep kind of annoying - especially on your fifth trip to the basement to get whatever it was you forgot).

Anyway, then I got a letter in the mail from the f***ing gov't - claiming that I didn't pay my taxes for 2006. But I did. And I have proof that I did. So that's another phone call I have to make on my first day back at work tomorrow.

I have to say I'm utterly exhausted - we all are, even Tigger doesn't know what to do with himself - he half-plays but he's not really into it, he wanders in circles stressing and panting and then finally lies down with a big huff and a puff, only to drag himself back up again if one of us leaves the room. I think it's been a looooong week and, especially after yesterday, we're all in need of some serious sleep (and a vacation!). Pretty sad to say when I'm going back to work again tomorrow and won't have a day of vacation left until November 1. The good thing is that my boss is gone for five weeks, so while I have tons to work on, it'll be quiet and stress-free and I can finally get myself organized again. :)

Anyhow, I'm in serious need of a nap - Tigger is stretched out at my feet and it looks SO comfy. I'm going to join him.

Zzzzz...

Well, the second-last day of my official 'holidays' is upon us, and it still doesn't feel any different than a Sunday. I think there is something to taking two full weeks off and getting out of town for at least part of that, then you're not surrounded with 'things I should be doing instead of sitting here on my butt'. Anyway, Tigger and I went 'exploring' last night and actually ended up down at the marina in Aylmer. I have to say, I've fallen in love with this city already. It's not actually like a 'city' - it's more like a big town, full of big old houses, a pretty marina with sail boats gliding by in the sunset, and a rocky beach where I can take my dog (and once he wasn't afraid of the waves, he happily trotted around in the water, and watched the ducks swim by). I was recovering on a rock from a death-defying moment involving a ginormous Doberman Pinscher (male) who came running up behind me, barking its fool head off and trying to attack my Tigger. (Tigger was barking and skittering backward, thank God he didn't think he could 'take' this dog). Meanwhile, I'm yelling 'NO!! NO!! NO!!' at the Dobe who almost stood as tall as me... The owners finally did come OUT of their house and called him off and I told them to get a leash on their damn dog. Grrrr... It's people like that who totally ruin it for the rest of the world who love dobes and GSDs and pitbulls, etc.
Anyway, so back to Aylmer, it's beautiful - reminds me a lot of PEI actually. And where I was afraid there'd be no 'social' scene, there is MORE - but civilized in a way. I saw one 'night club' but there were also quite a few cute looking pubs and restaurants along the main street, all made from old brick houses. Very pretty indeed, and a big step up from the 'Kiwi Bar' (the shady joint near our old place that I think became a transvestite biker place or something. ;) Anyhow, it took us about an hour longer than it should have to get home because I got lost and we ended up walking home on the highway, but we managed to amuse ourselves with Tim Hortons cups along the way (Tigger has a 'thing' for them apparently). It was good to get out and spend time with him, he makes me laugh.
Though this morning's 'game' wasn't as fun. ;) Luc tried again (unsuccessfully) to put him in his run, so I had to 'demonstrate' how to get him in there, which involved picking his front up and dragging him into it again (once we've done this once or twice, he leaps into the run after that, but we start over every day...) Anyway, I wanted to have a half-hour nap because it was still early and I was feeling tired, but I decided it'd be nice to give him the full back yard where he could lay on the deck in the sun and chew his bone. I gave him some water and food and went back to sleep. Well I didn't get much sleep because he threw his food dish again (he's still not eating), then I heard some 'funny' noises. I finally got up to see what he was up to, thinking he was perhaps trying to flip his water dish or maybe had run out of water. Nope, he had the hose (which we had talked about yesterday - how it was such a nice expensive, good quality hose with a loooong reach and we were so glad the last owner in our old house had left it for us), and he was shaking it in his jaws like a snake. I freaked and came flying down the stairs, yelled 'NO!' and, terrified, hooked it up and turned on the water. Thank GAWD, he didn't puncture it. So he's back in his run with some toys until I can be out there to supervise him. Friggin pest sometimes - at least he's not 'quite' a child but just about as bad!
My friend and I were talking yesterday about how, unlike with a cat, whom you can ignore most of the day, a dog requires constant monitoring. If they're making a weird noise, they're probably doing something they shouldn't be. If they're being too quiet, they're still probably doing something they shouldn't be. And they get BORED and have to invent new ways to get attention (which so far has involved chewing things we shouldn't, pounding on the back door, and barking and whining) where a cat would just go to sleep. Anyway, at least I haven't panicked totally yet - I'm still eating! ;)

Well, gotta run - I want to paint the kitchen to get ready for our new appliances - fun!
xo

Ahhhh, well, we're mostly all moved in minus the new fridge, stove, 50 inch plasma (eek!), and the shed and crawlspace full of junk (aka 'treasures') that I've collected over the years.. ;)
After a week and a half of full-time prepping, priming and painting, our living room looks great, the bedroom is nearly there, the ensuite is calm and inviting, just need to finish the trim on the dining room and do a second coat on the walls in the kitchen (plus paint all the cabinetry and trim, and replace the flooring - ugh, a job we're not quite ready to tackle).

Anyway, Tigger came to join us again yesterday, and except for the odd moment of extreme anxiety (I really do have a problem), it's been great. We played in the yard this morning, then watched movies together while it peed down rain in the afternoon, and then even squeezed in a trip to Petsmart, where he was assaulted by noise and flashy things and people and big blue (scary) carts. He was awesome throughout it all. :) The biggest challenge I have to deal with, is that a dog is a lot more like a child than cats are. They can be left alone, but I always wonder what's he's up to when he's being 'quiet'. So far, nothing really. I just have to learn to stop worrying. I'm doing fairly well though, and the yard is a big saving grace - it's big and secure, so he has room to hang out there. The dog room is working well too - he's still a bit afraid of the stairs, but that keeps him nicely contained in the upper room where he can look down at us and keep an 'eye on us' while we're watching a movie. And his couple of attempts to join me upstairs resulted in a lot of panicked chasing, cats hissing, Luc cursing, so I don't think he'll be in a rush to come up here again (hopefully!).

Anyway, I'm on holidays right now, but it doesn't actually feel like it. We've been working ourselves silly the past few days and now we just kind of 'veg'. I think I might go do some work in the gardens or something to at least get my butt off the couch. Maybe tomorrow we can go for a hike in the Gatineau hills.

Well, boring post I know, but I might have pics and stuff later.

S

Yesterday, I decided to take the day off. In retrospect, it was a day wasted in a way, but I felt at the time that I needed some quiet time a moi même. Time to just quietly take it all in, with no worrying, no excitement, just acceptance that this is our new home. However, it didn't quite go that way for me, I found that the combination of the boring beige walls, the worn out floors, the dog hairs and stinky dirty carpets, (not to mention the totally ugly and grease-coated kitchen) were all glaring reminders that this was not 'our house'. (Even though, legally it is of course)... I don't mean to speak unkindly about it either, because the previous owners had done a pretty good job of cleaning the place, so I didn't really even have much of a purpose once I got there. I cleaned a few door frames, and the stairs, and a closet; I hung up some winter coats in the storage area under the stairs, and took pictures of the inside (www.ginlor.com/house.html). I wandered around the yard for a few minutes but the heat kept me mostly hiding inside where it was cool (thank gawd for basements!). The trees and bushes grow sporadically all around the yard, their ungroomed branches snag your clothes and hair and you can see by the worn trails on the ground that the previous owners were fine with weaving between the trees to access the various areas of the yard (which is huge). Anyway, it wasn't until last night, when Luc suggested we sit down together and write down some plans for what we wanted to do inside, that I got excited. Now I feel prepared to go back in there, armed with paint and new stylish door knobs, and of course, hedge trimmers!

The yard will be a work in progress and will probably take a few years before we have it where I want it to be. I'd like to one day put interlocking brick down in the front, reside the house, build gardens (even a small veggie/herb patch), pressure wash and stain the decks and put up some stained lattice alongside Tigger's run for my morning glories and moon flowers to climb, it'll be loverly eventually. :) The shed is another amazing thing - it's huge! We're not sure what we'll use it for yet, but Luc will have a kick-ass workshop for sure. :)

Anyway, we chose some beautiful colours for the walls inside that I think will really transform it to the way we want it. For our bedroom, we chose an ocean-inspired barely-there blue, which will go nicely with our cream coloured curtains and dark wood bed.
Then we chose a warm mellow yellow for the kitchen, with the plan to freshen it up by painting the cabinets a cream colour and adding mouldings as a temporary way to make it look a bit more classy. We got new handles as well and a new appliance set will snazz it up nicely. The lino is worn, curling and stained, so we will hopefully be putting down vinyl (it's a small area so I don't expect it to be overly expensive to do). Something like the kitchen pictured here:

In the living room, we chose an earthy green, as a nice contrasting backdrop to the beige couches we have. I'm contemplating renting a sander and attempting to fix the floors in there ourselves (at least as much as we can do for now). A light sand and a few coats of varnish would at least make them look nice and shiny again.

We didn't choose all our paint colours for the basement yet, but Luc did pick up a deep wine coloured paint, paired with a rich tan colour for the office downstairs and he's thinking a deeper blue for the rec room.

People had cautioned me to wait until we'd lived in the house before painting, but we just can't do it! I need to make it feel like home - it would be hard to go from our vibrant, comfortable, warm apartment with its bold reds and yellows and navy and terracotta, etc to an all beige house that screams 'someone else owned me!'.. I'm possessive, what can I say?

Anyway, I'm going to start trying to keep track of the decorating ideas we have - right now the kitchen is small and is separate from the dining room. I'm hoping we can knock the dividing wall down, put in an island, and eventually lay ceramic tile and new hardwood down. I'm planning to hold onto this house for a while so it's fun to dream big!!

Anyway, time for a meeting - back to the world of work.

xo

Litha (Summer Solstice): '...summer solstice, or midsummer, is a time to spread warmth and enjoy the sun's energy. The sun is at its highest point in the sky. Everywhere you look nature shows her bounty; praise the opulence and abundance available to you for the asking. This is a day to celebrate your gifts of healing, whether they are intuitive or use plants. Make peace with the impermanence of life and changing relationships, knowing that you are always guided and watched over. Bloom where you are planted. Respect male energy, honor your light, hug yourself. You are one with the infinite sun...' 'On this Sabbat light and life are at their most abundant. Many Ancient monuments are aligned with the Sun at this point in the Wheel of the Year, the most famous being Stonehenge in England, though there are many more all over the world.' - Another interesting, but not surprising, fact is that once again, the Christian Saint Jean Baptiste day (which is a day highly celebrated in Quebec as their 'national' holiday) was the Church's method of claiming the Pagan holy day of 'Old Litha', which occurred on June 25th.

In some ways, I do wish that it summer solstice didn't have to mark the point at which the days begin to get shorter again. Unlike in Saskatchewan, where the sun sets at 10:00 and rises again sometime before 5:00 (though the first streaks of colour appeared in the sky at 2:30 or so on the night we graduated high school...), here in Quebec/Ontario, it sets at about 9:30 and, because of all the trees and hills and buildings, it really hits twilight at about 8:30. So it doesn't take long to wind back down to our 5:00 darkness like in the winter. I'm sure I won't mind it when we actually get to Fall (because it's such a beautiful season, I can forgive it), but right now I'm not ready to think about winter coming back, not when we just got rid of it!

One thing that I did embrace today, by chance, was the idea of us moving. Up until now it has been something that rapidly went from daring (if not a little terrifying) to a tabu subject that I almost felt bad to speak about, incase I should accidentally say something negative that would burst the fragile bubble that was surrounding us. I have since chatted with a few good friends, who are doing similarly daring moves, for different reasons, and with different risks, (and in some cases, quite a different distance), but it seems to me that we've embarked on a potentially rewarding journey. Like the excerpt above says, you have to embrace the impermanence of life - to quote Jewel 'everything is temporary, if you give it enough time' and that is so true (especially in my life). So while I am still falling in love my current home (I adore my back yard), there are other reasons why moving on to a new place and making it special is a good, healthy thing for us to do. At the same time, (and along those same lines), where it suggests us to bloom where we are planted, this is another lesson that is difficult for me to take sometimes - I have always looked beyond where I'm standing, eager to see what waits around the corner, dreaming of the future instead of living in the present. Because of that (and possibly due to my up-bringing as an ever-moving army brat), I have found it very difficult to really say who I am at any one time, and feel happy in any one situation. I always feel like I'm 'posing' as someone else, in some made-up life that I've designed for myself. I need to work on blooming where I've planted myself, relaxing a bit and enjoying life as it comes... It must be rewarding, or it wouldn't be so damn hard to do. :)

On an unrelated note, another thing that Luc and I have decided to seriously try is to eat more fresh, chemical free foods. There is a farmer's market every weekend at the marina in Aylmer, where we'll be living. It's sort of an underground arrangement, where you meet the farmers there and they bring their harvests and, for, I believe $25/week, they supply you with a TONNE of fresh veggies, grown right here around us - no pesticides or crazy x-continent trips (like all our tasteless fruits and veggies at the store right now). We want to make chutneys and stews and chillis and jams, etc. I don't think we'll have time for that this summer, but you never know, and we will have a new deep freezer hopefully as well, to store it all in. I guess my family should be forewarned that this probably means they'll be getting a cute little package of preserves for xmas this year... ;) (Don't worry, I'm not that organized, you're all safe for now)...

xo

Something interesting to write about... Why not...?
So, I have been beating myself up a little bit lately because I have been operating on a bit of a crazy, fast-paced agenda, where acquiring a home (and in our case, two apartments), the dog, the picket fence (oh yeah, but mine's gonna be black), and the stable, loving partner, a couple of kids, as well as trying to build a career and dreaming about fitting some travel in there all take priority on some high level in my life. I started to wonder if I was rushing things, while I look around me at women my age (though honestly I don't know many my exact age, but a range from low 20's up to early 30's) and I realize that most of them have been taking a very different approach to their lives than I have... I have friends who have forgone the career/home/partner/family route altogether for a while, and have been focussing on seeing a bit of the world, whether that be overseas somewhere, or even just taking a job that requires lots of traveling around. I have friends who have invested time and money into extensive educations (and even now are returning to add on to their degrees), these friends who are content with living in a one-bedroom apartment, partying at bars on the weekend, and seemingly, their greatest worry is what they'll wear out on Saturday evening. They seem (but maybe I'm just not as observant as I think), to not really have any worries about children in the near future, and figure once they meet 'the man', everything will fall into place (and maybe it will). I also have friends who have opted for the family route, earlier than later, in order to enjoy having children while they're young enough to play along with them. These women have opted for a smaller, simpler life perhaps, but they make ends meet, and a few I know are married and living happily with their spouses (and adding on children), and a few are living the single-mom life and seem quite successful at it (though I'm sure it's not easy at all).
So where the hell do I fit in? Why can't I make up my mind on what I want? I have no idea. I always wanted to get married. And, in some small way, I always wanted children. By age 18, when I went off to University, it started to eat away at me that all I wanted in the whole wide world was a baby. I know now that I really was looking for a 'companion' in life, and since have (thankfully) adopted two cats, a turtle (who didn't remain with me) and a dog (that I'm freaking about), who provide me with more than enough ways to exercise my 'mothering' instincts. Over the next 7 years, I have gone to college, opting for the quicker, more direct route to a job, over the more expensive and less goal-oriented (for me) option of University. I don't have any regrets that I dropped out when I did, but now I sometimes wonder if perhaps I have potential to be or do more and am limiting myself by not having that piece of $50,000 paper that says 'she's a smart cookie' from the University of Ottawa or wherever. Then I started on a career path, that proved to be a bit more difficult (trying to get into the gov't) and ultimately landed me in a consulting role, where I've been working to defy the hugely stacked odds against me (I'm young, inexperienced, female, and without a degree - some view that as a pretty bad list of things to be up against). Within that career, I've struggled with trying to find out what I really, truly, would be happy doing. I find I'm bored now in what I'm currently working on, and I do need a change, but I'm unsure about the direction I should go in. I have found I don't have a lot of patience for working with other people, I like to get things done efficiently and effectively, and don't handle a lot of wishy-washy social crap in between (in other words I've found I really don't enjoy working with most women...) I've entertained ideas of writing, but don't think I'd do the whole news and gossip thing well, and where I used to think I'd enjoy social sciences or psychology, I've since found that they don't cater to my results-driven side that I find the computer science field really feeds.
Then, I've always had this nagging feeling that I've wanted to travel, though interestingly enough, when we took a trip down South one year, after about four days, I was ready to go home. And I struggle with trying to figure out if life in the city, with its cappuccinos, flashy lights, nice houses and 'things to do' is better suited to my tastes than the allure of a quiet, simpler life in the country, with a sprawling old house with a big veranda overlooking beautiful gardens and rolling hills. And where, in all that, do I fit the kids? Do I even want kids? Yes, sometimes I think 'oh, wouldn't that be cute to dress the baby up and take him/her to the zoo'. Then I see some poor, distant mother, dragging her screaming kid(s) through the store or on the bus, while people (myself included) shoot dagger stares at her and wish she'd do something to make the kid be quiet. Even the financial aspect of raising a child scares me. To give up my career (and in the computer world, as a woman, if you have kids, you better be employed by the government, or bye bye career) and stay home with the kids would probably drive me insane. I don't really like children (especially once they get older and spoiled), I need time to myself, I am not a good house-keeper... There is the option that hubby could stay home, which might make more sense financially, but I'm not sure that this idea is based in reality for the majority of us out there.
Anyway, all this to say, it was just a thought I was mulling over on my walk at lunch. Then I came back and found this article http://www.srmjournal.org/article/PIIS1546250104000052/fulltext that talks about how most of the women you see at the top of the corporate ladder (including my boss) don't have children, as it is extremely difficult for women to battle the demands of getting an education, landing in debt, finding a career, finding a husband, having a baby, taking time off work, regaining the career, and raising children while climbing the corporate ladder (and traveling the world? :) ) all at the same time. It has an interesting checklist at the bottom that, to me, is worth keeping as one of those things you look back on in 50 years and giggle about how ludacrous it seems (reminds me of those Suzie Homemaker articles from the 40's in terms of how it provides such a definite 'checklist' of things you MUST do in order to be happy). So I don't know if I'm on the right track or not, or even which track I'm on, but at least I know I'm not alone in trying to get everything sorted out early so I can have my family (if family is what I'm destined to have), or my 'winter home' in some tropical place, or whatever. ;)
In the mean time I'm attempting to NOT step on my other-half's toes, while attempting to figure out what is best for both of us, and this is a difficult thing when so many aspects are up in the air.. Food for thought anyway...

Sigh.. I've written and re-written various posts in previous days, but due to the overwhelming amount of pessimistic (and defeatist) attitudes surrounding me currently, I keep falling into the trap of making this into a diary entry, when I promised myself I would not do that. To focus on a couple positive things, I am happy to say that summer has finally arrived - with temperatures hanging around 28 degrees (give or take a few), and lots of sunshine and I have the trucker's tan to prove it... (For those not in the 'know', that's when one shoulder is blazing red (actually my whole arm) and one is still snow white - very sexy, kind of a yin and yang sorta thing goin on there... ;) Anyway, in order to distract myself from all the stress of details and having to run in fifty directions all at once, while at the same time jumping up and down waving pom poms and shouting 'Isn't this FABULOUS!?!' at the top of my lungs all the time (yes I'm being figurative here), there are still a few things I can smile about in life. One being myself and my frequent 'adornment' of various kinds of foods and sauces that I seem to be intent on wearing. I figure if you can't laugh at yourself, you're in trouble... So last night, it was ketchup and mustard, smeared up my forearm, while I was meeting a coworker and her husband to check out a washer/dryer set that we may purchase for our tenants (for an ouchy $600, but I digress)... Today it was peanut butter, pasted neatly all over my face, while I chatted with a techie guy about my broken computer (since fixed at least) and with my boss about this and that. Gotta love that you never discover these things until about five minutes after they've left the room, and I have to wonder how they all hold a straight face while they talk to me, but anyway.
That reminds me of another sweet moment I had on the weekend. My sister and I brought our dogs to a little town outside of Ottawa called 'Almonte'.


It's pretty, with big old houses (with their own style that has been dubbed the 'Almonte style' by architects), and various old mills resting on the banks of the river that runs through the center of the town. Anyway, we decided to go 'all out' and ordered ourselves some poutine, which was a challenge to eat when one arm was 'tied' to a gigantic puppy, but we managed. Then we went for a walk down the main street, and finally found an icecream place that served soft cones from outside (through a window). So I ordered a cone for my sis, one for me, and of course, one for the dogs to share. :) It was absolutely the cutest thing, and a moment that really reminded me why I got my doggie friend in the first place. He'd never had ice cream before, so he licked at it, 'gingerly', with his ears all screwed on sideways, and his eyes squinted against the cold. Then my sister's dog got a turn. She's a tiny little German Shepherd, but her huge personality makes up for it. She reminds most people of a 'Raptor'. Anyway, she did a typical 'dyno-bite' and bit half the ice cream off in one go, which of course made her panic, chewing faster and faster to get it down as it was ice cold. Anyway, this went on until the whole cone had been eaten, and ended with her having ice cream on the tips of her ears, and my dog with it streaked across his cheeks. It was a nice to have a genuine giggle over something for once, and really made me appreciate what an adorable pair of animals we have. :)
We move into the house in the next few weeks - actually we get possession of it in less than two weeks. I'm feeing apathetic, as it's the safest emotion to have at the moment, especially when everything rides on the ability of everyone involved to muster up some courage and soldier on with a little enthusiasm, which is currently lacking on all fronts.
Anyway, I will blindly charge forward, as there is no going back, and I know my money is being invested wisely, and I have made one promise to myself which is to take me and a like-minded female friend (or group of) and go relax for a week in Southern France, perhaps next year or the following one - definitely before I'm 30. With all the other things we've accomplished so far, it'd be a crime not to get a few 'dreams' out of the way before life really does bog us down. I'm hoping my other half can do the same for himself too one of these days.
Well, it's lunch time. Gonna go get some rays (with sunscreen on this time).
xo

Hmmm, there's something about a cloudy but warm day that always gets me into a 'dreamy' mood. So, I decided to take a walk at lunch and ended up at Chapters (dreamy moods always = books for me). Unfortunately, I spent another $50 (which makes me feel guilty) but I picked up two books that I absolutely NEEDED. One being a step-by-step guide for home repair, complete with shopping list, how long it takes to complete the 'project' and best of all, it's written by a woman. I don't mean to be one of those sissy girls who pretends she can't understand things in the 'man's view of the world' but, I have learned that my attention span is short, big tools scare me, and big manuals like the Black and Decker guide to home repair is just a waste of paper and ink in my case (because I honestly can't read it). The book I got doesn't cover a ton of things, but I'm just happy that I can at least go ahead with some of the fix-its on my list that involve things like repairing the siding on our house, (instead of putting a board over it and planting ferns infront of it, which was my first fix), changing the door knobs, and redoing the caulking around windows and in the bathrooms... :)

The other book I got was one recommended to me by my mother, and the reviews led me to realize that it's going to be my new bible once Tigger comes home. It's called 'How to be Your Dog's Best Friend', written by a bunch of monks (oddly enough), who raise German Shepherds (perfect). It doesn't bother with all that fluppy-wuppy BS where everything you want your dog to do is accompanied by a lot of grovelling and treat-stuffing, and everything bad he does is handled with a simple 'look the other way' approach. I can't have my dog going ape-wild in our new place, and he's too damn smart to assume he'll continue to repeat the same behavior flawlessly every time, cookie or no cookie. In my short time with him, I quickly learned that he will have a command nailed in about 5 minutes, after that, he's going to try to outsmart you, and if that fails, he'll bite you or jump on you. This book has more of the 'old way' approach, where a dog is treated as a 'pack member' (no I'm not about to start calling myself mother Wolf or anything so stop snickering). Anyway, so in understanding how he responds to situations naturally, you can get your messages across to him clearly and quickly by mimicking what a pack leader would do, more or less. (So yes, discipline is taught thoroughly so as not to be done improperly). So two good book purchases, if I do say so myself! Now the only thing is I actually have to read them. ;)
Anyway, I'm looking forward to a quiet night tonight. Luc will be in Montreal on a business trip, so I'm planning to do a bit of tidying up before heading out to Winners to (finally) spend my gift certificate that I got on my b-day. I need to find something to wear for the wedding that is coming up this weekend, but I have no clue what (it can't cost very much, that's for sure!)
Well, guess I better get back to work.
xo