Okay, so this blog is going to turn into to '101 great ways to get fat' but anyway.... This is a picture of the pumpkin loaf I made this evening. Mmmm...

Layered Pumpkin Loaf

Ingredients:

1 cup canned pumpkin

1 cup plus 2 tbsp granulated sugar

1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar

4 egg whites, divided

1/2 cup skim milk

1/4 cup canola oil

2 cups flour

2 1/2 tsp magic baking powder

2 tsp pumpkin pie spice*

1/4 tsp salt

1 pkg cream cheese, softened

* 1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp ginger

1/4 tsp cloves

Preheat oven to 350 degrees farenheit. Grease a non-stick 9x5 inch loaf pan; set aside. Mix pumpkin, 1 cup granulated sugar, the brown sugar, 3 of the eggs whites, milk and oil in a large bowl. Add flour, baking powder, pie spice and salt; stir just until moistened. Set aside. Beat cream cheese spread, remaining 2 tbsp granulated sugar and the remaining egg white with wire whisk until well blended.

Spoon half of the pumpkin batter into prepared pan; spoon cream cheese mixture evenly over the batter. Cover with remaining pumpkin batter.

Bake 1 hour to 1 hour 5 minutes or until wooden toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Run knife around edges to loosen. Cool in pan wire rack for 10 minutes. Remove break from pan to cool completely.

To store: Wrap cooled bread in foil or plastic wrap. Store in fridge for up to 4 days.

Welcome to my favorite time of year!!!

Mabon:

"Celebrated between September 20 and 22, Mabon or autumn equinox is the second day when daylight and darkness are equal, creating a mirror for you to look into as you seek balance and acceptance, weighing the bounty of your personal harvest gained through life's experience. It is a time to honor and separate your truth from your physical experience. This acknowledgement sanctifies the people, events and experiences impacting your being and your journey, without getting caught up in how life should look. It is a time once again to balance the light and the dark. Mabon is the second harvest of the year and [a day] of giving thanks. Simplify your life and rid yourself of unnecessary activity and clutter, in preparation for the silence of the darker months. Donate what you don't need. Clear the disorder of your mind and learn to sit with the quiet of the soul. Without rushing around, you will need to make peace with your shadow, which will help you release a bit more of the mask you show to the outer world and [lessen your] reliance on appearances. Give thanks and harvest what is helpful."

Whew, so that was a longer one (to type anyway!) but such a great one. I got up this morning, hit snooze a few times, and finally hit the road at about 9:00 am, to go spend the day painting at the apartment. It was a beautiful drive, which put me in a nice, calm mood. It's amazing how the reds are coming out this year - everything from firey orange, to scarlet reds, to deep purples are appearing on the tips of the leaves. This Fall is going to be a great one, unlike last year's where the trees turned yellow and the leaves fell off almost immediately. And they're turning quickly now. When I emerged from the apartment, at about 5:00 pm, and drove home, I noticed the striking difference between the morning (where there were patches of red here and there amid the green leaves (with the exception of one gorgeous display of sumaks along the highway that were completely blazing orange and red)) and the evening where now, interspersed between the red was a deep golden colour. Even tonight, as we were walking through the park in the dark, the moon was out, and Luc said 'strange, the moon is overhead, yet the sun is still shining on the tops of those trees' - it totally LOOKED like the setting sun was reflecting on the tree tops, but it was actually the orange leaves - very cool! I'll have to try to get a picture of it tomorrow. I'm also hoping to maybe get a burning bush for the yard eventually, as I saw the neighbours have one and it's beeeautiful right now... :)

Anyway, so my first day of Fall was spent mostly holed up in our apartment, painting away, and also performing the semi-painful task of meeting with the real estate agent to get it listed on the market. :( I promised the house and myself (yes I'm crazy) that I wouldn't sell it, and here I am, doing just that... But when I got home, I noticed the bathroom here is starting to look 'saggy', moldy and neglected, the kitchen is filthy and begging to be redone, and well, there are many things here that need to be done, and we never have the time, energy or money because we're constantly worrying about that other house. So hopefully cutting back this gigantic piece of 'clutter' from my life will help to realign us with what we want in life and we'll be able to enjoy ourselves just a little bit more!! :)

Anyway, I'm going to go eat some apple pie and vanilla icecream (excuse: the apple is a symbol of autumn equinox... ;) ) Hope if anyone is reading this, that they take the opportunity to embrace this time of year and go pick some apples (make a pie!), design an autumn wreath, take pics of the trees, or just take a walk outside in the crisp air and ENJOY the first days of Fall!!!

xo

So I attended my first-ever book launch last night for a book of poetry titled 'Two Hemispheres' by Nadine McInnis. In it, she features 10 photographs taken in the 1850's at a prominent asylum in England. The portraits have no names, no history, no diagnosis, just the images, and through the course of a year, she studied each one and thoughtfully devised a story for each, which she captures in a poem.

I was struck by one of her poems last night, ( at least in the way I interpreted it) that seemed to suggest that 'insanity' or mental instability as we know it, is thought of as the brain not being able to keep up to society's fast-paced demands, and thus it is a defective brain - but, in actual fact, the brain itself, an organ that 'exploded', evolving in a tremendously short period of time from a flight or fight response system to a complex logical processor capable of handling all the abstract challenges of today's world, sometimes becomes frustrated, as the flight or fight instincts have not disappeared, and are now firing at random as we drone on in an unstimulating world of 'bus walls' and computer screens.
It hit me that perhaps, the problem truly isn't that people need therapy, drugs, holistic approaches, support groups, etc to cope with this life, but instead, further reinforced the idea that our brains just cannot deal with all the meaningless, insignificant crap that surrounds us. It made me remember a book (which for the record, at the time, I didn't like, but suddenly have gained an appreciation for - the subject anyway). Farenheit 451 - by Ray Bradbury, written back in the fifties, when radio was threatening to diminish the joy of learning and thinking for oneself and television was on the horizon to destroy it. It's interesting that, in high school, we were taught that the premise of the book really was to bring to light how governments use extreme censorship and 'brainwashing' of society as a whole, to keep people docile and maleable. In reality, as I see it now, his book was a fortelling of the future, like none other I've seen, and it's scary... He was interviewed by the LA Times (http://www.laweekly.com/news/news/ray-bradbury-fahrenheit-451-misinterpreted/16524/) and explained that he's often angered when people try to tell him that his book was about government manipulation and censorship. Instead, he explains it was about, 'how television destroys interest in reading literature...' His fear, at the time, was that radio's constant barrage of information, noise and distraction was making it difficult for anyone to sit down and truly focus on a book, delving deeply into a subject. That, to me, is exactly why I have encountered whole books dedicated to 'Scanners' (people who cannot specialize in any one thing and instead learn to thrive on jumping from one thing to the next in life), as the age of the 'specialist' is dead and gone, which you can see evidence of in art, science, careers and even family life.
Anyway, to get back to my point, I was thinking of the people close to me (and though never formally 'treated', I'd include myself in this group), who have had to deal with some sort of mental/emotional issues that have resulted in their not having the ability to cope with today's world. These people (and they really are the majority in society now) rely on expensive therapy sessions, cocktails of pills, fad diets, and shows like Dr. Phil, to attempt to twist their exhausted minds to fit with the rest of our crazy, apathetic, zoned out society. That's when it hit me that we really are like the people in Farenheit 451. It's to the point now where you might feel 'stressed' and the first piece of advice you'll get is to run to the doctor to pop the latest pill... Kind of reminds me of the way they used to throw harmless people, who perhaps had hormonal imbalances, or who were suffering from depression into mental institutions where they only served to go mad as a result of being surrounded by people who were constantly telling them 'you're crazy'... Anyway, in the book, which takes place in a futuristic America, people are taught that books are bad, and firemen exist solely to locate books and burn them. The interesting parallel though, comes with how people live. They are taught that reading, thinking, appreciating nature and each other, is of little to no importance, and actually should be avoided. To do this, they pop pills to numb their minds, stare at wall-sized televisions all day, prefering their shows over the company of their friends and family, speak apathetically and superficially about an impending war, as though it was just something on TV, and not people's lives at stake - the TV basically becomes their lives, and the people on it their families and they stay 'plugged in' to the network of useless information and distracting 'factoids' via tiny 'sea shell ear buds' all day so as to keep their doped up state of false happiness going at all times. Now, if that doesn't sound like us, I don't know what does! Just in my own home, Luc and I own multiple mp3 players, radios, televisions (including a 50" flat screen), XBoxes and internet access from anywhere in the house (via laptop or our PC), and we're probably considered one of the lesser set-up families! The scary part is that I have found in the past few years, I've felt more comfortable and safe spending my evenings watching television or surfing the web, and will almost always choose to send an e-mail or post a message to facebook to avoid having to actually talk to anyone on the phone (let alone face to face!). Friends let me down, people hurt my feelings, and in my 21st century self-indulgent way, I draw further into myself, pop my earphones in so I don't have to make small talk at the bus shelter, avoid going out when I can just stay home and watch a movie, all the while it is a rare occurence where I might actually pick up one of 25 paint brushes that I own, and attempt to put something onto a canvas, though I've been catering to that side more and more lately.
Anyway, I'm sure that nowadays, people are recognizing more and more that his book really does draw some significant parallels to what our society has become. So the question is, do we stand up for ourselves and try to loosen the grip that the 'evil machine' has on us, or do we pop another pill and go catch an episode of 'Big Brother' and forget all about it? Makes me wonder, it really does. I'm not a 'tree hugging hippy', nor am I a die-hard green-peace environmentalist, and I too get caught up in the belief that those people are just attention hogging, mindless extremist hypocrites who really need to 'relax', but it does give me a sense of hope that perhaps we are in the midst of a slow 180, with all the increased interest in initiatives to 'slow time', 'recapture a love of nature', 'living simply', 'putting family first', finding religions that align more closely to an enhanced awareness of the Earth we live on and the complex relationships between everything one and everything on this planet... Maybe... I know one thing, I had a goal at one time to read one book a month. Not just fiction, but anything - if something captures my interest, I'd read it. I think I need to set a new goal for myself - I must go get a library card!! (But first, I have to find the library!).
Anyway, food for thought... I just think it's neat to see how we still do have those surprising and unlikely 'prophets' (and not in a religious sense) among us, it just takes us too long to realize it!
S

I haven't written on here in a long time, and for good reason - I've been swamped with 'things to worry about' and 'things to do', which seems to be the norm in my new life as a suburbanite with two apartments and a 'budding career'...

That being said, at least the Fall has finally started to decend upon us and I find that every day I'm faced with something beautiful that helps me to appreciate the 'bigger things' in life (beyond all the little things that stress me out). The leaves on the trees have started to turn, so every now and then, in the midst of all the green, you see a brilliant scarlet and gold tree that, to me, is truly heart-warming. I adore the Fall colours. :) Last weekend, I was taken by a 'fit of inspiration' and despite the fact I was battling a horrible cold, I managed to take what was left of the apples and make two pies, once which I fed to the boys and the other I froze. It is a recipe my Mom has made often for us, combining the best of both the apple crisp and apple pie worlds (it's a pie with a crumb top). I was happy to see they both turned out well (if anyone ever sees how I roll out dough, that'll be the end of my pie-making days, let's just say it usually involves lots of wax paper, a rolling pin, way too much flour, various heavy objects in the kitchen, and a few curse words).
Anyway, I plan to bake a pumpkin/cheese cake loaf this weekend to celebrate the first day of Fall, and I'm hoping to get out to the local farmer's market for the FIRST TIME this year, to buy some seasonal produce that I can use to make another batch of cabbage soup (mmmm so good). I am sad that I haven't been able to go to my parents' farm, where they have a litter of 6 week old puppies to play with, however it's been a really tough few months and we're still ploughing through the tough stuff to hopefully get to a place where we can relax and actually have SPARE TIME in which to ask ourselves 'gee, what do we feel like doing?' instead of running in eight different directions to get things done. I have to paint the apartment, starting this weekend, which will be a project that spans over the next two weeks (primer has to dry, coats of paint have to dry, not to mention the taping that has to go on first, which is my least favorite job).

We finally got the contractor to show up (not a great sign that it took him TWO weeks to actually come in and give us an estimate, and due to a poor communication between him and my significant other, I was stuck there yesterday morning, waiting for two and a half hours, and he never showed up). I do have some false sense of hope that he might be able to get the work done before our tenants come in, as he did say it would only take three days to fix the drywall, put up tub-surround, put in a new window (with the possibility of making it smaller which would be good) and if there wasn't one in stock, just getting rid of it altogether (I don't mind!), and installing a fan. Then all I have to do is slop some oil-based paint on there and away we go.

We were talking to him about owning a rental unit, and he was telling us that he used to do that but sold them. I hear that from a lot of people. Up until now, we've been fairly blessed that our tenants haven't destroyed the property in any way, or left with 'doors, curtains, lightbulbs and anything else that wasn't nailed down' as the contractor was telling us his tenants frequently did. However, the amount of stress that is coming between Luc and I (me screaming, yelling, planning, setting expectations, managing the money, nagging, and crying and him trying his best to get things done but generally overlooking the little things that ultimately come back to bite us in the ass and then having to deal with my nagging, etc) and I don't think it's worth it anymore. Sure, it's a great investment, however I was thinking yesterday of where I truly want to be, and it's totally not where we are.

I think that if we were to unload the apartments and just concentrate on upgrading our own house (new floors, new front and back doors, some painting and decorating, new kitchen), we could make a decent enough profit on it in five years or so, and then go move south of Ottawa somewhere, in a smaller community, where I might be able to find a charming older home with old barns, a couple acres, and expansive 'pastoral views' to greet me everyday. When I think about places we've lived, like New Lowell and Qu'Appelle - small towns, where 'everyone knows everyone', one thing I miss is the sense of all being in it together. Sure there's the gossip, the neighbourly fights, the 'outsiders syndrome' that I know all too well, but there are also dinner theatres, country fairs, home-town hockey games, community dances and parties, things to bring you together with your neighbours to socialize! And then there's the dream I have of owning a home with something like this:

where I could have a pottery room, painting loft, maybe a few chickens, etc. and really feed my artsy side in a more inspiring setting. :)

Last but not least, I don't like the idea of our children growing up in the city. Kids will be kids and they'll find less than desirable things to do to keep themselves entertained, but there's a big difference between rolling hay bales onto people's front yards for a joke and hanging out at the local crack house somewhere in the city.
Anyway, back to reality here... So tonight I'm 'treating' myself with a trip to the Nicholas Hoare Books bookstore, with my brother (who invited me), to attend a 'book launch' by one of his professors. I was very honoured that he thought to invite me as he figured I'd be interested in checking out what exactly a book launch is like, as both he and I have never been to one. So that'll be fun! I was sad to hear that Diana Gabaldon was in Ottawa last night, and one of Luc's coworkers had an extra ticket, but it was mentioned at dinner, half-way through an argument of sorts and I didn't pursue it. Oh well, I do love her books but I had no idea what she was there to speak about. Will have to google it later!
Anyway, better get to work now... S

Well, I must say, I do feel very relaxed and happy today (which is rare and even more surprising than usual as it's MONDAY). I think it's due in large part to the fact I had a wonderful weekend, which, though we did have some errand-running to do, largely consisted of watching movies (including an old favorite: My Best Friend's Wedding), starting (and restarting for a total of five times) to knit a scarf for the fall, walks around the neighbourhood with my poochie, and spending a few long, glorious hours in the backyard with him in the sunshine, while I cleaned out my garden area (bundling sticks and bagging weeds). I even managed to paint his doghouse (a nice shade of blue) which I'm hoping to finish off with a white trim, and made a sign (picture to follow) for the door of his run, which I decorated with gawdy plastic fall flowers courtesy of the Dollar Store. (He loves it, I'm sure.. ;) )

Anyway, for the most part, things were great, that is until I was chatting casually on the phone to my Dad, who was recounting moments of his youth (which consisted mainly of whipping various types of berries at his siblings :) ). This led to me eating a berry off my tree (which at the time I still didn't know the species of). Then a continued conversation with my mother, where we discussed the 'wild grapes' growing along the fence, where I again 'tasted' a berry, before deciding that 'these grapes must be the wine type because they taste horrible'... Yes, horrible indeed. It would appear that I ingested poisonous Elderberry (which is only edible if cooked), and even more poisonous Virginia Creeper berry (which is so stupid as I KNOW what virginia creeper looks like, it's just the first time I've seen it grow such nice plump blue berries like that!)Shortly after tasting the VC berry, my tongue and lips began to sting, at first just mildly, like I had perhaps eaten a thistle (or like if you get the fuzz from a kiwi in your mouth). It progressed quickly into more of a burning sensation, like hot sauce, but without the taste to it. Gradually, a headache started, which, after I had gone to sleep, developed into a WICKED, head-pounding, face/neck/jaw pain type of headache, like none I've ever had before (I had to replace my normal pillow which is 'firm' with a really fluffy one because my head was so sore), and then finally tapering off with a milder headache and some light nausea (didn't throw up though) at around 5:00 am. Sooo, without further ado, if you're ever so inclined to eat the weeds in your backyard, think again. I had always known that many plants we have in our house and yard are poisonous, but after researching it, I realized that MOST plants we have around are poisonous (though some can become edible once cooked), and it doesn't take much more than tasting the juice from a berry to bring on a very uncomfortable evening. Had I eaten a handful, I'd be in the ER right now as VC berries in particular can cause death. Even things like rhubarb leaves (deadly), and potato flowers/berries (didn't know they produced berries but apparently they do), can cause death... If you're curious about what's in your yard, google 'poisonous plants and berries' and check out the many sites available. It's good to know (especially if you have kids!) as some don't even have symptoms and will quite suddenly lead to death (freaky).
In my yard: (And this is by far not all of them):

1. The vine on the fence is Virginia Creeper (which I knew but disregarded at the time) - the leaves are thin, jagged edged leaves (in groups of five) that are turn red in the Fall). The berries (which resemble small clusters of dark blue grapes) have been known to cause death, if eaten in mass quantities, and can irritate (cause vomiting, and/or irritated bowel, rashes and skin irritation (which I think was the stinging on my lips and tongue) and a variety of other symptoms, including headache, which I suffered from). Luckily, I didn’t eat the berries, I just split one open and licked the syrup stuff coming out of it… THAT was enough to make my mouth sting for about an hour and give me a partly sleepless night…

2. The vines that grow purple flowers with red berries that I transplanted from our apartment (and that grow all over Aylmer, including all along the fence in the backyard) may actually be the plant ‘Deadly Nightshade’, whose berries are EXTREMELY poisonous (especially when they're still green)… I’ll have to check to see if the berries on mine are turning black or not, as DN's berries go from green to red to black – it may not be the same thing – but I’ve photographed it numerous times in the woods – now at least I know what it is!.


3. The tree by the deck, which again has serrated edged leaves, and grows white flowers all throughout the spring and into summer, that are replaced by purply-red (appetizing looking) berries is an Elderberry. I took one berry, chewed it, then spit it out. Again, all parts of the tree, including the berries are poisonous, causing nausea and digestive upset. However, if you cook the berries, they’re apparently very popular for medicinal purposes, and make a good jam, pie and/or wine.

Yeh me… ;)
While I'm on the topic of poisoning oneself, another thing to mention is the recent discovery that both grapes and raisins are highly toxic to your canine friends... (Which is scary considering how many times I shared a grape or two (or three or four) with Shadow...) Apparently, up until recently, people used raisins as rewards in training, if you're one of them, give that habit up immediately!!!