Merry ho-ho - I'm back at work today (Thursday), after a somewhat interesting Noel... Let's just say that, maybe due to a the fact they started the Christmas Season on November 1st this year in stores, most people were in crabby moods, totally tired and stressed, and well, xmas just wasn't the sparkling oasis that every year I wish it would be (and rarely is)...

I returned home with the evil thought in my head that everyone and their dog is totally messed up in life, that we're all just struggling along to survive, and that forcing ourselves to put on this 'happy happy joy joy' chirade while we all rush from here to there, meeting in a whirlwind frenzy of gift unwrapping, gorging ourselves on rich food (which ultimately leads to a nice stomach ache later on), and the endless driving back and forth to visit stressed-out family members just isn't worth the hassle. I came to the conclusion (as I do most years) that I'd much rather visit family on either weekend AROUND xmas, but not ON xmas, as our visits are much more enjoyable when there isn't so much hype surrounding them.

I found myself wishing we had children of our own, and that we could just stay home, where our pretty tree sits in the bay window, neglected, while we are running around the countryside. I really cannot wait for the day when we can wake up Christmas morning to the sound of excited kiddlies pitter-pattering around the tree, half-buried with treasures from 'Santa'.. And to be able to make eggs benedict with pemeal (sp?) bacon for breakfast, like my Mom always did, and opening gifts slowly and thoughtfully, actually taking the time to enjoy what each one contains, and to properly thank the ones giving them to you. Then maybe after brunch (and perhaps relatives could join us for that part if they live nearby) then we might go visiting. Or maybe not. I always loved Christmas day at our family's home. We'd get up really early in the morning and excitedly tiptoe down to the living room (at 2 or 3 in the morning, ha ha) and open our stockings. Then we'd play quietly with the toys and games we'd found in them, with only the light of the tree to go by (which always gave it a sort of magical feel) until our parents got up. Then we would be allowed to open our gifts from Santa only. Leaving the rest of the tree untouched while Mom made breakfast. After breakfast was over, we'd then sit back down infront of the tree and take turns opening our gifts. Then we had the whole day to relax in the living room, playing with new toys, trying on new clothes, watching tv, and all in all, just indulging in pure 100% relaxation time. Meanwhile, the turkey and big xmas dinner would be cooking in the oven, and we'd have a big supper before finally settling down to watch a movie or whatever and finally off to bed, our bellies full and our minds relaxed. THAT is how xmas should be, and will hopefully be again, once we have a family of our own...

There has been some talk in my family of our parents moving closer as well, so hopefully someday that will be a reality (speaking selfishly of course) and then we can also include them in our xmas celebrating, instead of doing this somewhat stressful 'rotation' schedule, where every second xmas we go to Luc's family's homes, instead of seeing my parents, and vice versa, which I think is hard on both of us. It's just kind of sad, as for example, this year, the way people's schedules are working, and with the amount of stress building throughout our family (due to many many factors, all out of our control), we will not be making the trip down to see my parents on New Years. I had been looking forward to it, however, after discussing it with my sister and mother, we have all decided that it's just too much hype and craziness to travel down there when people are working all in between now and New Years. I'm hoping that Becky and I will be able to take some time to go see them once Christmas is done and overwith, and things have settled down a bit with my grandparents. My parents are going on a cruise (bane of my existance at this point) and I'm hoping desperately that they can at least 'get through it' unscathed and will return home a bit more relaxed (doubt it though). My grandparents are also taking a very gigantic (and difficult) step and are moving into a home in a nearby town (about an hour from my place), due to my Grandpa's failing health, and that is weighing heavily on the family, my mother especially. So perhaps later on, maybe in February, I'll go spend some time down with them when there's no expectation, and we can actually appreciate seeing each other.

Ahhhh... So on to lighter things I suppose!! I did get some great gifts from everyone this year, including a coffee maker with a timer (yeh!!), a breadmaker (mmm, made italian bread last night!), a tripod for my camera (so perhaps images will appear in focus finally), fuzzy slippers, pretty jewelery, neat dvds (including BBC's 'Planet Earth' and a Norah Jones live show cd), and many other thoughtful gifts (like the blanket Becky made for me, with images of my family - myself, Luc, and my various pets sewn onto it)... :) I also have a big bag of dirt, and various pots waiting to be filled with pretty plants - and I set up a little indoor gardening area in the dog room with my pretty mini set of indoor gardening tools... :)

The Planet Earth DVD's are wonderful too - it really makes you realize just how awe-inspiring, beautiful, cruel and harsh the world really is, and how oblivious we are to it. The fact that once upon a time we might have been one of those species of 'animals' just fighting for our lives, picked off daily by some hungry predator who, likewise is just trying to keep itself and its young from going hungry. Every day may have been our last, and there would have been no 'moral' wrong in that. Now we take so much for granted, we are virtually indestructable, and life has become this crazy thing that we "hoard" to the point where we won't even let people who WANT to die die, it's just crazy to think of how there is still a brutal fight for survival going on every minute of every day with almost every other living thing on the planet, besides ourselves. The images are amazing too - and I can't get over the crazy tropical bird species that flip themselves into different wacky looking shapes and dance around. So far, that's been my favorite part.. ;)

Here's a picture of the male bird, who has flipped himself into an incrediblely bizzare shape, and is dancing for a rather uninterested female... ;) The narrator says, as the female walks away 'it's disheartening when one's very best is just not good enough...' ;)

Anyway, I think I mentioned in a previous post that I had signed up for a 12 days of Christmas daily message. Of course, being the 'Kerr' that I am, I am always late but in earnest ;) but late is better than never. So far, I've only had a brief chance to skim the first message before I was called away from the computer. Sooo, I'll post the link here, for anyone who might have some quiet time to themselves, and who might want to take a moment to 'reflect' on their lives. I'll post the next soon.. :) http://www.innerchristmas.com/071.html
Wishing you all a peaceful rest of your holiday...
:) S

Craziness abounds in my life.. Well, not exactly, but there's a big 'shift' going on right now, and as Luc and I were saying last night, everything is up in the air right now, opportunities are piling up around us, and we really need to give things time to settle before we figure out what our next move in life is...

I spoke with our mortgage broker yesterday, and while our current lender won't work a deal with us to extend the term and/or remortgage the property to release some more moolah for upgrades, there's potentially another lender that is willing to do all that, and sooner, so I have him looking into that for us. The idea would be to try to get some money out of the house now, so we could put Luc on the course he wants to take, as well as pay off some of our debts. However, no sooner did I get off the phone with the mortgage broker, then the real estate agent called. Apparently we have a potentially very interested buyer on our hands. Hmmm.. He's going to see it in early January, and if he likes it, will put in an offer right then and there.
So it begs yet another question - what do we want to do? Keep the house, invest our money (and that of our tenants of course) into making it better, and sell it when we'll make a profit? Or cut our losses now and walk away, at least eliminating any stress that comes along with trying to find tenants and do repairs/maintain the property? Hmmm...
Difficult really to say what will be best... I guess I am going to take the usual Shelley approach and just 'wait and see what happens', knowing that either way, we gain something (either independence and lack of stress, or money)... One thing I DO know, is that the next house we buy should be newer, because while I think 'hey, if we got rid of the apartments, we could put in a new kitchen and refinish the floors in our house (+ another list of things a mile long)' I realize that to me, that is a MAJOR inconvenience, and I believe Luc shares that view as well... So we'll both stall on it until we lose the opportunity to do anything about it.. Hm...

Secondly, my job has taken on much the same feeling as our apartments - it's like I've reached a fork in the road here too, and various possibilities have been presented to me, none with any guarantees, however, and so for now, I wait to see what happens, but either way it will eventually come down to a few key questions that all wittle away to 'money, or peace of mind?' because, I find, despite what the big corporations will tell you (that money buys happiness), money does NOT buy peace of mind, in a lot of ways. Yes, it ensures you no longer have to worry about 'survival' things, but you DO have to worry about a lot of petty, seemingly important, but ultimately draining things in life once you're playing with moolah... At any given time, any one of us could find big dollars, if we're willing to take risks for it - ex: I could become a sub contractor, give up any sense of security in my job, have to take on the marketing for myself, months off would be spent at home, unpaid (and stressing), but I'd make twice what I make now... Conversely, I could go find myself a cushy job in the gov't, doing a job that potentially does have a fairly low 'ceiling' on it (read: the salary stops quite short of where it'd be if I was NOT working for the gov't), with the risk of extreme boredom, but hey, I'd be secure and know that I would always have a job to go to... So that's what I'm weighing now too. Not subcontracting, that's not for me, but either consulting through my agency (which I love, but where I will have to invest a lot of time and hard work to really get anywhere), or taking a step down and finding a gov't job, refocusing myself on other aspects of ma vie... Hmmm... So I wait... :)

Lots of musing about boring things I guess.. Sorry!

Okay, here's a silly dissertation on something that bothers me (I'm giving into my retarded, petty side). I was thinking today that I'd like to go see the Golden Compass (and not just because Daniel Craig is in it!! He really only appeals when he's a pouty, devilish, weapon weilding Bond with gigantic muscles - day to day Daniel just isn't worth talking about... ;) ) But something I noticed today, is why I don't think Nicole Kidman is pretty. You hear it all the time, how she's gorgeous, but I find often when I see her in movies, or just pictures of her, there's something WRONG... I know what it is - I have CRACKED the Not-Pretty-Nicole mystery! It's her HAIR!! (Okay, and her choice of dress colours)...
I noticed that, at the premiere for the Golden Compass, she was there with her hair pulled off her forehead, wearing a cream-coloured gown. She looked, for all intensive purposes, like she was dead, and washing herself out with pale colours (that only serve to accentuate her ivory white skin), further accentuates the fact that her eyebrows are RED, while her hair is platinum. Furthermore, the fact that she tends to have her hair pulled back in a severe pony tail, or swept backwards off her face totally accentuates her rather wide forehead. I don't know why it bugs me, but it does. Don't get me wrong, I'm no beauty (which is why I don't get to stroll down red carpets in x-thousand dollar gowns, but I AM bored, so here, I grabbed some pictures to prove it (because I'm totally wasting time at the moment)..
Image 1: Nicole with yet another pale dress, pale hair, and looking totally washed out...

Image 2: Nicole with red hair - what a difference! Eureka! She looks VIBRANT!

Image 3: Nicole with her bangs pulled severely off her forehead...

Image 4: Ahhh, sweet, feminine bangs, totally softens her sharp features...

Okay, I'm done!! ;) But if I were her, I'd get ahold of my stylist and, well, fire them. ;)

So, the last week of Advent, and I must admit that I didn't do much at all to formally recognize it. However, for anyone who might be, the focus of the last Sunday of Advent is on the joy you feel at the end of the period of waiting (and the beginning of a couple weeks of celebrating, visiting with family, and eating waaaay too much).
I have decided, because I love Wavery Fitzgerald's writings so much, that I would re-read through each of her weekly thoughts that I used to subscribe to (I saved almost all of them). For this week, her focus was, naturally, on acknowledging the moments of joy in your life. And if you were having a difficult time feeling any 'joy' amid all the crazy preparations for the Christmas holiday, she had suggested that you ask yourself where you find joy in the holidays, and focus on those times. For me, I'd have to say my moments of 'joy' during the holidays are times when I'm with my family (eating!, ha ha), and especially during those quiet moments, like on Christmas Eve, relaxing by the tree with a baileys in one hand, the fire crackling beside you. Of course opening Christmas stockings are always very fun too (reminder to moi: must go get some stocking stuffers!), and getting together with friends on Christmas night (as well as brunch that day with family) are all highlights of my xmas holiday. Typical, I guess, most involve food or drink of some kind. I also love those days at work, when the festive spirit encourages people to stand around, talking, laughing, and sharing (and in our case, usually drinking some forbidden beverage safely hidden inside cans of coke)... And the days when you go in to work, and no one else is there, so you can listen to some music, or enjoy the silence, and just get things done.. :)
Yes, I do love this season, but for some reason this year, I still can't manage to feel Christmassy!! I look around and barely see any xmas lights up (that's my neighbourhood for you - I'm sure Hull is ablaze with gawdy colour again this year - it was always fantastic for that), and my shopping is pretty well done, the last few things just nagging 'I have to pick something up to add to that present!' types of things...
No, I think for me, the joy of this holiday will be the down time, where I can just sit and do absolutely nothing. :) I'm really tired this week!
Anyway, looking ahead to 2008, I'm happy to see that they're predicting a rise in housing prices - by 3.5%! That's good news for Luc and I, who have our house on the market. It also inspired me to contact my mortgage broker, to see about getting our mortgages straightened out. I'm hoping the interest rates will drop, due the the price increase in the housing market, and then I can perhaps switch our personal mortgage to 25 years, and see about switching our apartment's mortgage to 40 years, over the next few months. This, ideally, would free up some $$ monthly to go toward paying for siding and windows (increasing the value again), and we can then write off the interest charges that will be horrendously high on the apartment's mortgage. I'm starting to feel slightly like I'd like to hold onto the apartments still, as in a way, as long as we can have the tenants paying for the big stuff, we can handle the small stuff as we need to... Dunno, it's something to consider. If we kept them for five or ten years, we'd be able to sell them when we were ready to buy (or build) a new house...
Food for thought, and definitely a potential source of 'joy' if we can do this right... :)

Soooo, it's been almost a month since I've posted on here. There have been various things going on in my life, concerning my career, my family life, and getting ready for Christmas, that I could have written about, however, I had hoped to not make this into a journal, and yet, because of its total lack of purpose, this blog tends to house a lot of personal (and probably boring) thoughts about my life in general. So in an effort to get away from that, I haven't written anything as it would have been me meandering through my days and nights and putting everyone (if anyone reads this) to sleep.. ;)

Anyway, so without further ado, I thought I'd write about Advent. Up until now, I'd been shying away from anything that seemed Christian in origin because of my deep distrust of organized religions, however, I'm finding more and more that there is a lot to be said for learning to appreciate a more structured approach to spirituality and life, without closing the door on nature-based spirituality, and without having to fully embrace the literal 'renditions' of the Bible.. December is such a wonderfully spiritual time of year too, that I want to embrace all parts of it, and not shut anything out. I'm actually going to miss not going to midnight mass this year, as I did last year with my Mom and my sister. We used to do it every year when I was a child, and then my 'departure' from all things 'Churchey' made it so I had about 7 or 8 xmases where we didn't go to an evening mass, but stayed home and gorged ourselves on food and drink... I always missed lighting those tiny white candles and singing Silent Night, followed by the family piling into the car to drive around the town, looking for the house with the most lights on it.. :)

So this year, though I'm starting late, I hope to acknowledge what is left of both the Pagan and Christian Advent calendar... To summarize what Waverly Fitzgerald explains on her school of the seasons site, Pagan Advent begins four Sundays before Winter Solstice, and is a period of waiting for the 'birth of the sun'. Christian Advent begins four Sundays before Christmas and is a similar period of waiting, for the birth of the 'Son'...

From her site:
The period of Advent, which means “to come,” is the period of waiting for the birth of Christ at Christmas, or for the birth of the sun at Winter Solstice. It is a period of anticipation, of looking forward.The main quality of Advent is waiting. If it were a tarot card, it would be the Seven of Pentacles. At this time we are unable to do anything but wait through the growing darkness until we can celebrate the return of the Light. Most Advent customs have to do with marking time: lighting one candle on the Advent wreath each week, opening another door on the Advent calendar. These markers show us in a concrete way how much time has passed and how much time is left before the event we so joyously anticipate.

According to her, one way to celebrate Advent might entail lighting of candles (for Pagans, on an Advent wreath), to mark each Sunday that passes, followed by a time of story-telling and caroling. Story-telling has been passed down through the ages as a way to pass the time in the dark months, while sharing important lessons and bits of history with those close to you. Obviously, during the days when the sun was the only light you had to go by outside, you would find yourself inside together for longer periods, waiting out the darkness. I think I read somewhere as well that the Celts were not even allowed to tell a story until after sundown, and that it was the elders who told the stories, but I might be dreaming that!
Advent calendars are another popular way to pass the time, and range from the little cardboard ones with tiny little chocolates in them that we buy at the dollar store ;) , to more elaborate home-made ones (created by people who are either uber organizers or have WAY too much time on their hands!) that open to reveal inspiring pictures, or ornaments to put on the tree (I liked that idea)... The nativity scene is also used by some people to mark the time, each figurine added around the stable marking another passing day until the Christ child is added to the manger on the 25th. As she says, if you don't find 'Christ' fits with your spirituality, creating any sort of calendar or 'shrine' to the sun would work, even creating 13 ornaments representing the birth of the sun (spirals, mirrors, etc) to hang on your tree.

To make an advent wreath: http://www.schooloftheseasons.com/wreathmaking.html

Another sort of neat thing she suggested was this site: http://www.lynnjericho.com/newsletter1107.html that will send you a special thought to reflect upon over the 12 days of 'Inner Christmas'. The strange thing is it starts December 25 and goes until January 6th. Interestingly enough, the Armenian Apostolic Church, which is one of the most ancient Christian communities, celebrates Christmas on January 6th. You can enter your email address and you'll receive a thought or question each day during that time, for you to meditate on, in order to inspire a sense of 'deep joy' and sense of purpose in the coming year. Why not, right? ;) I want to work on my meditation skills anyway, as it is rumoured to be a miracle healer for stress, worry, doubt, and general mind-clutter that we all suffer from.

I'm still not sure what I will do this year to mark the days of Advent, as I'm feeling slightly scatterbrained and find it difficult to focus on one particular thing long enough to get anything out of it... One neat site I found, which is entirely Christian based, gives you a daily thought, prayer and passage to reflect on each day throughout Advent. http://www.followingthestar.org/

Here's another that explains some of the traditions in different cultures: http://heaintthroughwithmeyet.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-advent-wreath-and-why-i-have-one/

No matter which way you choose to celebrate Advent, I wish you all a very happy holiday season - and I hope you find some time to enjoy the peaceful indulgence of waiting! :)

S

Simpify, simplify, simplify...So, this week so far has been an interesting rollercoaster of a time, and I feel slightly disoriented and not fully 'in control' of really much in my life at the moment. That, coupled with a lack of motivation to do anything work-related, has contributed to me getting absolutely nothing done, and life zipping by at an even faster rate than usual (and that means, FAST)..
I took Monday off, with plans to clean the house, do some baking, cook some food for my dog (called 'Satin Balls', they're a blend of raw hamburger, various grains, molasses, eggs, you name it, designed to make him FAT and his coat glossy... :) ), and then I'd planned to venture into Ottawa to do some xmas shopping, as my limited attempts to do some thus far have resulted in me becoming totally overwhelmed (the crowds are INSANE this year!) and practically running out of the store, with nothing to show for my efforts.
However, at 3:30 pm I was still in my pj's, sitting in a dimly lit room in my basement, with my dog beside me, doing research online for my parents cruise. Yes, I said it, CRUISE!! Woohoo! I am very happy for them, as they will be embarking on a little adventure in early January (which is the cause of much stress at the moment, but I'm sure will be more than worth it in the end). It's called the 'Simpleman Cruise'. They will be sailing out of Miami, FL on a luxury cruise liner (The Imagination) headed for Key West and then to the Calica port in Mexico, before spending a final "Rock Day At Sea". The cruise is put on by Lynyrd Skynyrd, who will be on board to perform two concerts and generally hang out with the crazy fans. 11 other bands will be joining them, including the Georgia Satellites (which is the band that led me to discover this cruise). I have been looking at different itinerary options for each of their stops, and it seems that they will be enjoying gourmet food (all inclusive), concerts and parties at the different stages and bars throughout the ship, relaxing by the pool, touring Key West, and spending a day enjoying the Xcaret Eco Park in Mexico, where they can swim with dolphins, glide down an underground river through caves, and lounge on the white-sand beaches overlooking the crystal blue ocean. Yup, I wish I was going, but I am so much happier that THEY are going - what an opportunity! And every passenger on the ship is cut from the same cloth - no stodgy rich snobs on this ship, it's all beards, bandanas and black t-shirts - my father will blend well.. :) For an idea check this out - look for the 'shark man' as I call him - could be my Dad's best friend... ;-)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JN-23DZq_fU
Anyway, so back to my simplifying life, (which seems impossible for me)... After watching my parents' reaction go from super excited to suddenly stressed to the max, I realized that we all tend to pile on so much 'not fun' crap in our lives, that when anything good comes along, we have to stretch ourselves to the point of breaking in an attempt to accomdate the 'joyful' thing because we're so loaded down with the crap. Luc pointed something out to me that kind of made me wonder if perhaps part of the reason why I never feel in control of my life is that there are too many underlying complexities that don't need to be there. When I think back to the Spring, when I finally felt 'together', I remember we lived in a tiny apartment (which we owned), and really did seem to live a lot more 'simply'. I could afford anything I needed, I spent my time cooking and crafting and having friends over to share good food and drinks, and generally was enjoying life. However, then we added complexities to our lives and things have been out of balance ever since.
Recently, we sold the second car, Luc got a job in the city where I also work, and we've listed the apartments for sale. All good things for scaling back the craziness in our lives. But there are little things that are still out of control - which is what Luc brought to light when he asked me 'why do you have so many email addresses - why do you have to make everything so complicated?!' and it's true. I have five email addresses that I use regularly, and two more that aren't used as often but still do exist. I have four bank accounts, three RRSP accounts, a line of credit, credit card and bank loan to manage, along with debts that are in Luc's name that I can't seem to keep track of (and thus have been late paying for), I have fifty thousand little 'projects' buried in boxes in the office, I have half-read books all over the house... I think its all due in part to my lack of organizational skills (hence the need to keep separate bank accounts and email addresses to avoid mixing things together and having to keep closer track of what I'm doing) and as well, my incessant need to always be looking beyond what I have now (hence starting a million new ideas and never finishing them). I was reading an article in a magazine recently, that said you should take each project you have, ask yourself if you would get enjoyment out of completing it, and if it's important to you, and if you can say yes to both those things, set a timeframe to get it done in. If you can't commit to the timeline, donate the project to someone who will or throw it out. Eeek... That would mean a lot of things get thrown out or I'd actually have to start sticking to a schedule. But maybe that's the key. I find I flounder around, wasting time, and when I finally get time to do something, I'm so stressed and exhausted by worrying about everything that I just crash and waste MORE time... A vicious cycle.So I'm starting a new 'thing'. January is my 'start nothing new', dark month.. December will be my celebratory month (of course), and November will be my purge month. That way, I can spend November purging, December living it up because I have a lighter load to carry and tons of fun activities to occupy my time, and January I'll have my calm, quiet month where I decide what new things I want to start taking on again in Feb... Wish me luck!! :)
S

Ooooh, this picture is essentially a 'snapshot' of what is sitting in a pretty green shopping bag next to my chair right now. :) I went to a store, hidden in an old brick house in the Glebe today (called knit-knackers for anyone who cares), and bought my first real 'skein' of wool... (Up to this point, I've been making scarves for myself using mostly acryllic wool from Walmart, he he). I'm planning to make a good friend of mine a really pretty, really soft scarf, but we'll see how it goes, I'm a little nervous that I won't make it look the way I want it to (I'm a beginner, after all!)... I've been taking it out and holding it every now and then because I'm neurotic and I like the way it feels so soft and squishy. It's "Kettle Dyed Pure Merino Wool" from Uruguay... Fun! :)

Samhain... :)

Celebrated on October 31, Halloween (also known as Samhain), is the Witches' New Year's Eve [this is taken from a Wiccan book - it's also the Celtic New Year!] and third harvest. It is a time to play with our shadow selves and sit in the woods between the worlds of light and darkness, knowing all things are possible. Nature is recessing into the quiet barrenness of winter. It is a season to acknowledge that both light and darkness are necessary to our growth. Remember departed loved ones and their gifts, harvest strength, trust the mirror reflecting your light, salute health, believe in enchantment, and tell stories as the veil between the mundane and magickal worlds is at its thinnest. Symbols of the holiday are pumpkins, skeletons, marigolds, fall leaves, pomegranates, and witch hats. Herbs and other plants associated with this sabbat include apple, broom, milk thistle, mint, mullein, nutmeg, oak, sage and wormwood.

Well, I have to say, for our Samhain, it wasn't the kind of day that really got me thinking all sorts of eerie, spooky thoughts. It was a bright, sunshiny day, plus 16, and beautiful outside. I ended up missing the bus home and didn't get home until after 6:00, but it wasn't too late to hand out a few treats to the 20 or so kids we got. I just closed the lights and hid the pumpkins as the older crowds are now coming to the door, and the last ones were eyeing our 'masterpieces'... Come to think of it, I didn't even take pictures of our pumpkins this year! Luc made a great one, sewing the eyes and mouth with gardening twine, to look like a kind of Texas Chainsaw Massacre doll head.. Pretty freaky.

We had a good Halloween gathering on the weekend though, just a small group of us got together, but we all got dressed up and had a little too much fun with the camera.. ;0) The picture above is of our Halloween feast, complete with a "brain" (shrimp), spiders, worms in dirt (candy worms in oreo cookie crumbs), and roasted pumpkin seeds. We served our guests a nice desert of cat poop to finish it off... :)

Even 'Jiggs' got in on the fun. :)

Anyway, tonight I wish I could have a bit of time to 'ring in' the "mini new year". However, I'm stalling because I have to get through a horrendous pile of work first. Ick.

While I do still celebrate the New Year on January first as my main 'starting over point' (as we basically celebrate the end of the year with xmas and New Years parties, going out with a 'bang' and then starts my 'quiet month' where I'm not allowed to start anything new), I do still like to acknowledge the 'change' I feel at Halloween. Last night, Tigger and I were walking through the neighbourhood, and it was like my whole 'being' just took a great big siiiiigh.. The air was still, the trees were dark and still, everything had a slightly surreal peacefulness hanging over it, that seemed to just slow down whatever crazy ticking time-keeper is always driving me mad inside. It was really nice and I thought to myself 'thank goodness we're finally in a resting period'. Not that we actually are, but there's something in the stillness that I find so calming.

Our lives are anything but calm at the moment, but it's a good busy, not a stressful busy. Luc just accepted a new job in Ottawa, which he's busy studying for, so that marks a rather large change in our lives. He's going from the job he got out of college, in the tiny town of Shawville, to a job in a mid-sized, faster-paced international company based in the city. It will hopefully offer him rewarding challenges, better benefits, and he'll be closer to home (though with the traffic, the commuting time doesn't actually lessen very much!). So we're pretty excited about that, though I know he'll be sad to leave where he works now, and they'll miss him a lot.

We also sold the car, last Thursday, which happened in the blink of an eye (after about 8 months of waiting). So far, it hasn't had a negative impact on us having one car again, so hopefully we'll be able to make it through to next Spring and get some of our debts paid off. My poor cavalier can't keep being treated like an suv for much longer - she hauled two bales of straw home on Monday night, which was quite the 'endeavour' (for the car, and for ME!)

I'm already turning my attention to the xmas 'season'.. Sick eh? ;) I bought a present for my sister the other day. I can't wait to dress up the house for it. We have a million other things we have to do first, but it's fun to think of where I'll put the tree. :)

Anyway, guess I better go get this work done, so I still have a job!

Happy Halloween everyone - enjoy your evenings, be safe, and remember to take some time out to reflect on your year, what you 'harvested' and revel in the glory of having a quiet moment to take it all in before the craziness starts again. :)

S

Well, it's been a while since I've posted, as there hasn't been much to say, really. I've been playing 'catch-up' with life, and am still picking up loose ends, but at least it's a bit more calm now...

I have found, of late, that I've stumbled across some fascinating blogs that are really, truly worth a look (when you're not supposed to be working - they're addictive!)... One is Pruned - http://pruned.blogspot.com/ (which is where this picture was borrowed from)... For someone like moi, who is not very good with geography, geology, or understanding anything that is going on around the world (I chalk it up to selfish oblivion :) ), this blog is packed with interesting tidbits of the weird, awe-inspiring, or thought-provoking things going on around the planet(s) (they have a story on Mars with photos as well). The author seems to have more than enough knowledge to make insightful commentary on just about anything going on, from the 'uncovering' of Greenland (thanks to Global Warming) and its economical possibilities, to the most stunning architectural endeavours recently created by humans, working WITH nature, that will either leave you breathless, or dead, to idiots who dump red paint in ancient fountains to protest miniscule issues surrounding the film festival. Actually, I found this site originally because I'd done a google image search on Hong Kong's 'The Arch' development, where an apartment just sold for a whopping $14 million (over that actually). I ended up clicking on an image called 'the Escalators of Hong Kong' or something like that (I get distracted easily) and was taken into an unrelated story in this blog, where it was reviewing a book that was written on a major hurricane in 1900, after which, the surviving population built a wall and raised all their buildings up on stilts by HAND to protect against another one. That led me to looking through the articles posted, and honestly you can waste quite a bit of time reading it. :)
Anyway, so there's my pitch for someone's blog that is actually interesting... ;) I wish I could write something like what this person has, however it would take WAY too much time and I'd actually have to find a topic worth writing about that I actually KNOW something about. So instead, I stick to my ramblings about my life, sorry guys.. ;)

Hmmmm... I really don't have any purpose for blogging at the moment. I am just really fidgety. I have work to do, which I've been picking away at, but it is very very hard to stay focused on it (it's very very boring work)...

Sigh...

I find myself making lists again. Lists of jobs I want but never will get, projects to do (both fun and not) that I never seem to have time or energy for, and things I want but can't afford - xmas gifts for people, bales of straw for Tigger, wool to make scarves, mitts, maybe some cuter projects like bags and things, a holly tree because I promised myself I'd get one for our yard, curtains and/or blinds for the living room windows because we currently are living in a fishbowl, cute rainboots, a new, longer Fall jacket, stockings and socks to wear in my dressier shoes because bare feet are too cold, new glasses because I wouldn't mind having a pair to give my eyes a break from the constant half-blindness of contacts.. No shopping for me!! Nope, our budget is stretched tightly over the small mountain of debt we have.

Oh well... I find the worst thing is that, where I was finally starting to feel like I knew who I was months and months ago, for some reason, something huge shifted and I find myself staring at a girl I don't even know. And the more I realize who I am, for some reason, the more depressed I become...

Blah...

Whining...

Enough...

S

Well, back at work (and not working - so I'll try to keep this short and sweet) after a long weekend (was it really a long one?? Didn't feel like it!!)
:) We had serious reason to celebrate, however... After a final four or five hour stint at the apartment on Friday evening, followed by a clean-up on Saturday morning, we happily handed over the keys to the new tenants, who oooh'd and aaaah'd (okay maybe not quite, but they were impressed) at how it looked. That joyous moment marked the start of a new freedom for us and we are both SO HAPPY that it's over. :) I then went and picked up Pru, my sister's GSD, to babysit her until Monday, which was fun, as she and Tigger kept each other amused all weekend. :)
Sunday was spent with me running errands (five stores later, I decided to call it quits and go home, only to get a phone call half-way home from my frantic mother who had just added two more guests to our thanksgiving dinner invitees)... So I unloaded the car (which involved plunking various grocery bags infront of the door and ringing the doorbell repeatedly, to summon Luc who was trying to sleep, while holding the cell phone glued to my ear while my Mom yacked and my neighbour mowed his lawn right next to me, while dodging the turkey that escaped its bag and was rolling down the driveway and onto his grass)....
By now, Luc was finally up (he was napping) and went outside to clean up the yard, which I later ruined because I removed two small trees that had been bothering me, but wasn't strong enough to pull up the stumps, so now there are leaves, small branches, and holes in the lawn that he'd cleaned up... ;) Finally, I settled in to do my baking - two pumpkin pies, two apple crumb pies, and a pumpkin cheesecake loaf (which was a HIT at dinner)... I finally made it to bed at 11:00 pm and was up again at 8:30 to put turkey #1 into the over (we cooked two).
Anyway, all in all, we had a very nice visit with various relatives, and everyone left well-fed and showering the cook with praise (yay! I didn't burn anything!!). We won't mention the squash that wasn't ready and didn't get eaten or the brussel sprouts that are still in the freezer.. ;)

Anyway, I do love Thanksgiving and this time we had a lot to be thankful for (mostly to do with the apartment)... ;) That being said, I'm a little glad that it's over as it marked the end of an insane six (or more) months for us. Yes, we still have things to do at the apartments, and our own house has been sadly neglected, but that's all things we can chip away at slowly.

Now I can start looking forward to Halloween and Christmas... Yes, Christmas. We did the family gift draw and now I can start focussing on what I want to buy for everyone (because of necessary budget 'constraints' I want to get it done EARLY this year)... I'm also starting to get the hang of this knitting business (wore one of my scarves to work today) and discovered that I have the wrong wool for what I want to make. So hopefully I'll be able to hunt down some nicer stuff over the next little while and start making some neat gifts for people.. (Maybe). ;)

Well, gotta get back to work. If you're bored and broke, here's a blog I enjoy reading - stumbled upon it the other day. It's great common-sense and she's got a writing style that makes her posts very enjoyable to read: http://budgetingbabe.blogspot.com/

xo

Okay, so this blog is going to turn into to '101 great ways to get fat' but anyway.... This is a picture of the pumpkin loaf I made this evening. Mmmm...

Layered Pumpkin Loaf

Ingredients:

1 cup canned pumpkin

1 cup plus 2 tbsp granulated sugar

1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar

4 egg whites, divided

1/2 cup skim milk

1/4 cup canola oil

2 cups flour

2 1/2 tsp magic baking powder

2 tsp pumpkin pie spice*

1/4 tsp salt

1 pkg cream cheese, softened

* 1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp ginger

1/4 tsp cloves

Preheat oven to 350 degrees farenheit. Grease a non-stick 9x5 inch loaf pan; set aside. Mix pumpkin, 1 cup granulated sugar, the brown sugar, 3 of the eggs whites, milk and oil in a large bowl. Add flour, baking powder, pie spice and salt; stir just until moistened. Set aside. Beat cream cheese spread, remaining 2 tbsp granulated sugar and the remaining egg white with wire whisk until well blended.

Spoon half of the pumpkin batter into prepared pan; spoon cream cheese mixture evenly over the batter. Cover with remaining pumpkin batter.

Bake 1 hour to 1 hour 5 minutes or until wooden toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Run knife around edges to loosen. Cool in pan wire rack for 10 minutes. Remove break from pan to cool completely.

To store: Wrap cooled bread in foil or plastic wrap. Store in fridge for up to 4 days.

Welcome to my favorite time of year!!!

Mabon:

"Celebrated between September 20 and 22, Mabon or autumn equinox is the second day when daylight and darkness are equal, creating a mirror for you to look into as you seek balance and acceptance, weighing the bounty of your personal harvest gained through life's experience. It is a time to honor and separate your truth from your physical experience. This acknowledgement sanctifies the people, events and experiences impacting your being and your journey, without getting caught up in how life should look. It is a time once again to balance the light and the dark. Mabon is the second harvest of the year and [a day] of giving thanks. Simplify your life and rid yourself of unnecessary activity and clutter, in preparation for the silence of the darker months. Donate what you don't need. Clear the disorder of your mind and learn to sit with the quiet of the soul. Without rushing around, you will need to make peace with your shadow, which will help you release a bit more of the mask you show to the outer world and [lessen your] reliance on appearances. Give thanks and harvest what is helpful."

Whew, so that was a longer one (to type anyway!) but such a great one. I got up this morning, hit snooze a few times, and finally hit the road at about 9:00 am, to go spend the day painting at the apartment. It was a beautiful drive, which put me in a nice, calm mood. It's amazing how the reds are coming out this year - everything from firey orange, to scarlet reds, to deep purples are appearing on the tips of the leaves. This Fall is going to be a great one, unlike last year's where the trees turned yellow and the leaves fell off almost immediately. And they're turning quickly now. When I emerged from the apartment, at about 5:00 pm, and drove home, I noticed the striking difference between the morning (where there were patches of red here and there amid the green leaves (with the exception of one gorgeous display of sumaks along the highway that were completely blazing orange and red)) and the evening where now, interspersed between the red was a deep golden colour. Even tonight, as we were walking through the park in the dark, the moon was out, and Luc said 'strange, the moon is overhead, yet the sun is still shining on the tops of those trees' - it totally LOOKED like the setting sun was reflecting on the tree tops, but it was actually the orange leaves - very cool! I'll have to try to get a picture of it tomorrow. I'm also hoping to maybe get a burning bush for the yard eventually, as I saw the neighbours have one and it's beeeautiful right now... :)

Anyway, so my first day of Fall was spent mostly holed up in our apartment, painting away, and also performing the semi-painful task of meeting with the real estate agent to get it listed on the market. :( I promised the house and myself (yes I'm crazy) that I wouldn't sell it, and here I am, doing just that... But when I got home, I noticed the bathroom here is starting to look 'saggy', moldy and neglected, the kitchen is filthy and begging to be redone, and well, there are many things here that need to be done, and we never have the time, energy or money because we're constantly worrying about that other house. So hopefully cutting back this gigantic piece of 'clutter' from my life will help to realign us with what we want in life and we'll be able to enjoy ourselves just a little bit more!! :)

Anyway, I'm going to go eat some apple pie and vanilla icecream (excuse: the apple is a symbol of autumn equinox... ;) ) Hope if anyone is reading this, that they take the opportunity to embrace this time of year and go pick some apples (make a pie!), design an autumn wreath, take pics of the trees, or just take a walk outside in the crisp air and ENJOY the first days of Fall!!!

xo

So I attended my first-ever book launch last night for a book of poetry titled 'Two Hemispheres' by Nadine McInnis. In it, she features 10 photographs taken in the 1850's at a prominent asylum in England. The portraits have no names, no history, no diagnosis, just the images, and through the course of a year, she studied each one and thoughtfully devised a story for each, which she captures in a poem.

I was struck by one of her poems last night, ( at least in the way I interpreted it) that seemed to suggest that 'insanity' or mental instability as we know it, is thought of as the brain not being able to keep up to society's fast-paced demands, and thus it is a defective brain - but, in actual fact, the brain itself, an organ that 'exploded', evolving in a tremendously short period of time from a flight or fight response system to a complex logical processor capable of handling all the abstract challenges of today's world, sometimes becomes frustrated, as the flight or fight instincts have not disappeared, and are now firing at random as we drone on in an unstimulating world of 'bus walls' and computer screens.
It hit me that perhaps, the problem truly isn't that people need therapy, drugs, holistic approaches, support groups, etc to cope with this life, but instead, further reinforced the idea that our brains just cannot deal with all the meaningless, insignificant crap that surrounds us. It made me remember a book (which for the record, at the time, I didn't like, but suddenly have gained an appreciation for - the subject anyway). Farenheit 451 - by Ray Bradbury, written back in the fifties, when radio was threatening to diminish the joy of learning and thinking for oneself and television was on the horizon to destroy it. It's interesting that, in high school, we were taught that the premise of the book really was to bring to light how governments use extreme censorship and 'brainwashing' of society as a whole, to keep people docile and maleable. In reality, as I see it now, his book was a fortelling of the future, like none other I've seen, and it's scary... He was interviewed by the LA Times (http://www.laweekly.com/news/news/ray-bradbury-fahrenheit-451-misinterpreted/16524/) and explained that he's often angered when people try to tell him that his book was about government manipulation and censorship. Instead, he explains it was about, 'how television destroys interest in reading literature...' His fear, at the time, was that radio's constant barrage of information, noise and distraction was making it difficult for anyone to sit down and truly focus on a book, delving deeply into a subject. That, to me, is exactly why I have encountered whole books dedicated to 'Scanners' (people who cannot specialize in any one thing and instead learn to thrive on jumping from one thing to the next in life), as the age of the 'specialist' is dead and gone, which you can see evidence of in art, science, careers and even family life.
Anyway, to get back to my point, I was thinking of the people close to me (and though never formally 'treated', I'd include myself in this group), who have had to deal with some sort of mental/emotional issues that have resulted in their not having the ability to cope with today's world. These people (and they really are the majority in society now) rely on expensive therapy sessions, cocktails of pills, fad diets, and shows like Dr. Phil, to attempt to twist their exhausted minds to fit with the rest of our crazy, apathetic, zoned out society. That's when it hit me that we really are like the people in Farenheit 451. It's to the point now where you might feel 'stressed' and the first piece of advice you'll get is to run to the doctor to pop the latest pill... Kind of reminds me of the way they used to throw harmless people, who perhaps had hormonal imbalances, or who were suffering from depression into mental institutions where they only served to go mad as a result of being surrounded by people who were constantly telling them 'you're crazy'... Anyway, in the book, which takes place in a futuristic America, people are taught that books are bad, and firemen exist solely to locate books and burn them. The interesting parallel though, comes with how people live. They are taught that reading, thinking, appreciating nature and each other, is of little to no importance, and actually should be avoided. To do this, they pop pills to numb their minds, stare at wall-sized televisions all day, prefering their shows over the company of their friends and family, speak apathetically and superficially about an impending war, as though it was just something on TV, and not people's lives at stake - the TV basically becomes their lives, and the people on it their families and they stay 'plugged in' to the network of useless information and distracting 'factoids' via tiny 'sea shell ear buds' all day so as to keep their doped up state of false happiness going at all times. Now, if that doesn't sound like us, I don't know what does! Just in my own home, Luc and I own multiple mp3 players, radios, televisions (including a 50" flat screen), XBoxes and internet access from anywhere in the house (via laptop or our PC), and we're probably considered one of the lesser set-up families! The scary part is that I have found in the past few years, I've felt more comfortable and safe spending my evenings watching television or surfing the web, and will almost always choose to send an e-mail or post a message to facebook to avoid having to actually talk to anyone on the phone (let alone face to face!). Friends let me down, people hurt my feelings, and in my 21st century self-indulgent way, I draw further into myself, pop my earphones in so I don't have to make small talk at the bus shelter, avoid going out when I can just stay home and watch a movie, all the while it is a rare occurence where I might actually pick up one of 25 paint brushes that I own, and attempt to put something onto a canvas, though I've been catering to that side more and more lately.
Anyway, I'm sure that nowadays, people are recognizing more and more that his book really does draw some significant parallels to what our society has become. So the question is, do we stand up for ourselves and try to loosen the grip that the 'evil machine' has on us, or do we pop another pill and go catch an episode of 'Big Brother' and forget all about it? Makes me wonder, it really does. I'm not a 'tree hugging hippy', nor am I a die-hard green-peace environmentalist, and I too get caught up in the belief that those people are just attention hogging, mindless extremist hypocrites who really need to 'relax', but it does give me a sense of hope that perhaps we are in the midst of a slow 180, with all the increased interest in initiatives to 'slow time', 'recapture a love of nature', 'living simply', 'putting family first', finding religions that align more closely to an enhanced awareness of the Earth we live on and the complex relationships between everything one and everything on this planet... Maybe... I know one thing, I had a goal at one time to read one book a month. Not just fiction, but anything - if something captures my interest, I'd read it. I think I need to set a new goal for myself - I must go get a library card!! (But first, I have to find the library!).
Anyway, food for thought... I just think it's neat to see how we still do have those surprising and unlikely 'prophets' (and not in a religious sense) among us, it just takes us too long to realize it!
S

I haven't written on here in a long time, and for good reason - I've been swamped with 'things to worry about' and 'things to do', which seems to be the norm in my new life as a suburbanite with two apartments and a 'budding career'...

That being said, at least the Fall has finally started to decend upon us and I find that every day I'm faced with something beautiful that helps me to appreciate the 'bigger things' in life (beyond all the little things that stress me out). The leaves on the trees have started to turn, so every now and then, in the midst of all the green, you see a brilliant scarlet and gold tree that, to me, is truly heart-warming. I adore the Fall colours. :) Last weekend, I was taken by a 'fit of inspiration' and despite the fact I was battling a horrible cold, I managed to take what was left of the apples and make two pies, once which I fed to the boys and the other I froze. It is a recipe my Mom has made often for us, combining the best of both the apple crisp and apple pie worlds (it's a pie with a crumb top). I was happy to see they both turned out well (if anyone ever sees how I roll out dough, that'll be the end of my pie-making days, let's just say it usually involves lots of wax paper, a rolling pin, way too much flour, various heavy objects in the kitchen, and a few curse words).
Anyway, I plan to bake a pumpkin/cheese cake loaf this weekend to celebrate the first day of Fall, and I'm hoping to get out to the local farmer's market for the FIRST TIME this year, to buy some seasonal produce that I can use to make another batch of cabbage soup (mmmm so good). I am sad that I haven't been able to go to my parents' farm, where they have a litter of 6 week old puppies to play with, however it's been a really tough few months and we're still ploughing through the tough stuff to hopefully get to a place where we can relax and actually have SPARE TIME in which to ask ourselves 'gee, what do we feel like doing?' instead of running in eight different directions to get things done. I have to paint the apartment, starting this weekend, which will be a project that spans over the next two weeks (primer has to dry, coats of paint have to dry, not to mention the taping that has to go on first, which is my least favorite job).

We finally got the contractor to show up (not a great sign that it took him TWO weeks to actually come in and give us an estimate, and due to a poor communication between him and my significant other, I was stuck there yesterday morning, waiting for two and a half hours, and he never showed up). I do have some false sense of hope that he might be able to get the work done before our tenants come in, as he did say it would only take three days to fix the drywall, put up tub-surround, put in a new window (with the possibility of making it smaller which would be good) and if there wasn't one in stock, just getting rid of it altogether (I don't mind!), and installing a fan. Then all I have to do is slop some oil-based paint on there and away we go.

We were talking to him about owning a rental unit, and he was telling us that he used to do that but sold them. I hear that from a lot of people. Up until now, we've been fairly blessed that our tenants haven't destroyed the property in any way, or left with 'doors, curtains, lightbulbs and anything else that wasn't nailed down' as the contractor was telling us his tenants frequently did. However, the amount of stress that is coming between Luc and I (me screaming, yelling, planning, setting expectations, managing the money, nagging, and crying and him trying his best to get things done but generally overlooking the little things that ultimately come back to bite us in the ass and then having to deal with my nagging, etc) and I don't think it's worth it anymore. Sure, it's a great investment, however I was thinking yesterday of where I truly want to be, and it's totally not where we are.

I think that if we were to unload the apartments and just concentrate on upgrading our own house (new floors, new front and back doors, some painting and decorating, new kitchen), we could make a decent enough profit on it in five years or so, and then go move south of Ottawa somewhere, in a smaller community, where I might be able to find a charming older home with old barns, a couple acres, and expansive 'pastoral views' to greet me everyday. When I think about places we've lived, like New Lowell and Qu'Appelle - small towns, where 'everyone knows everyone', one thing I miss is the sense of all being in it together. Sure there's the gossip, the neighbourly fights, the 'outsiders syndrome' that I know all too well, but there are also dinner theatres, country fairs, home-town hockey games, community dances and parties, things to bring you together with your neighbours to socialize! And then there's the dream I have of owning a home with something like this:

where I could have a pottery room, painting loft, maybe a few chickens, etc. and really feed my artsy side in a more inspiring setting. :)

Last but not least, I don't like the idea of our children growing up in the city. Kids will be kids and they'll find less than desirable things to do to keep themselves entertained, but there's a big difference between rolling hay bales onto people's front yards for a joke and hanging out at the local crack house somewhere in the city.
Anyway, back to reality here... So tonight I'm 'treating' myself with a trip to the Nicholas Hoare Books bookstore, with my brother (who invited me), to attend a 'book launch' by one of his professors. I was very honoured that he thought to invite me as he figured I'd be interested in checking out what exactly a book launch is like, as both he and I have never been to one. So that'll be fun! I was sad to hear that Diana Gabaldon was in Ottawa last night, and one of Luc's coworkers had an extra ticket, but it was mentioned at dinner, half-way through an argument of sorts and I didn't pursue it. Oh well, I do love her books but I had no idea what she was there to speak about. Will have to google it later!
Anyway, better get to work now... S

Well, I must say, I do feel very relaxed and happy today (which is rare and even more surprising than usual as it's MONDAY). I think it's due in large part to the fact I had a wonderful weekend, which, though we did have some errand-running to do, largely consisted of watching movies (including an old favorite: My Best Friend's Wedding), starting (and restarting for a total of five times) to knit a scarf for the fall, walks around the neighbourhood with my poochie, and spending a few long, glorious hours in the backyard with him in the sunshine, while I cleaned out my garden area (bundling sticks and bagging weeds). I even managed to paint his doghouse (a nice shade of blue) which I'm hoping to finish off with a white trim, and made a sign (picture to follow) for the door of his run, which I decorated with gawdy plastic fall flowers courtesy of the Dollar Store. (He loves it, I'm sure.. ;) )

Anyway, for the most part, things were great, that is until I was chatting casually on the phone to my Dad, who was recounting moments of his youth (which consisted mainly of whipping various types of berries at his siblings :) ). This led to me eating a berry off my tree (which at the time I still didn't know the species of). Then a continued conversation with my mother, where we discussed the 'wild grapes' growing along the fence, where I again 'tasted' a berry, before deciding that 'these grapes must be the wine type because they taste horrible'... Yes, horrible indeed. It would appear that I ingested poisonous Elderberry (which is only edible if cooked), and even more poisonous Virginia Creeper berry (which is so stupid as I KNOW what virginia creeper looks like, it's just the first time I've seen it grow such nice plump blue berries like that!)Shortly after tasting the VC berry, my tongue and lips began to sting, at first just mildly, like I had perhaps eaten a thistle (or like if you get the fuzz from a kiwi in your mouth). It progressed quickly into more of a burning sensation, like hot sauce, but without the taste to it. Gradually, a headache started, which, after I had gone to sleep, developed into a WICKED, head-pounding, face/neck/jaw pain type of headache, like none I've ever had before (I had to replace my normal pillow which is 'firm' with a really fluffy one because my head was so sore), and then finally tapering off with a milder headache and some light nausea (didn't throw up though) at around 5:00 am. Sooo, without further ado, if you're ever so inclined to eat the weeds in your backyard, think again. I had always known that many plants we have in our house and yard are poisonous, but after researching it, I realized that MOST plants we have around are poisonous (though some can become edible once cooked), and it doesn't take much more than tasting the juice from a berry to bring on a very uncomfortable evening. Had I eaten a handful, I'd be in the ER right now as VC berries in particular can cause death. Even things like rhubarb leaves (deadly), and potato flowers/berries (didn't know they produced berries but apparently they do), can cause death... If you're curious about what's in your yard, google 'poisonous plants and berries' and check out the many sites available. It's good to know (especially if you have kids!) as some don't even have symptoms and will quite suddenly lead to death (freaky).
In my yard: (And this is by far not all of them):

1. The vine on the fence is Virginia Creeper (which I knew but disregarded at the time) - the leaves are thin, jagged edged leaves (in groups of five) that are turn red in the Fall). The berries (which resemble small clusters of dark blue grapes) have been known to cause death, if eaten in mass quantities, and can irritate (cause vomiting, and/or irritated bowel, rashes and skin irritation (which I think was the stinging on my lips and tongue) and a variety of other symptoms, including headache, which I suffered from). Luckily, I didn’t eat the berries, I just split one open and licked the syrup stuff coming out of it… THAT was enough to make my mouth sting for about an hour and give me a partly sleepless night…

2. The vines that grow purple flowers with red berries that I transplanted from our apartment (and that grow all over Aylmer, including all along the fence in the backyard) may actually be the plant ‘Deadly Nightshade’, whose berries are EXTREMELY poisonous (especially when they're still green)… I’ll have to check to see if the berries on mine are turning black or not, as DN's berries go from green to red to black – it may not be the same thing – but I’ve photographed it numerous times in the woods – now at least I know what it is!.


3. The tree by the deck, which again has serrated edged leaves, and grows white flowers all throughout the spring and into summer, that are replaced by purply-red (appetizing looking) berries is an Elderberry. I took one berry, chewed it, then spit it out. Again, all parts of the tree, including the berries are poisonous, causing nausea and digestive upset. However, if you cook the berries, they’re apparently very popular for medicinal purposes, and make a good jam, pie and/or wine.

Yeh me… ;)
While I'm on the topic of poisoning oneself, another thing to mention is the recent discovery that both grapes and raisins are highly toxic to your canine friends... (Which is scary considering how many times I shared a grape or two (or three or four) with Shadow...) Apparently, up until recently, people used raisins as rewards in training, if you're one of them, give that habit up immediately!!!

On my bus route, there is a 'grand' old house with a large yard that is for sale. I was curious and looked it up online - it's going for $300,000. Gotta love Gatineau - in Ottawa it'd be at LEAST $600,000...
Anyway, on my way through the hundreds of listings to find this house, I saw many very nice houses - and started to feel depressed. ;) That's why I don't 'window shop' for anything. If I can't have it, I get sad. Anyway, I started to think of things that I liked about those houses, and wondered if there were ways that I could achieve the same feel in our own home. I came up with a surprising list of things we can do to really make it look snazzy. Each room needs some small thing, such as: Downstairs:- Dog room: needs a railing (right now the stairs into it from the basement are 'open';- Rec Room: needs shelving, a coffee table, a proper tv stand and perhaps cream coloured tightly woven carpet, along with a fresh coat of 'cream' and a dark navy/green colour on the walls, plus a new light (the one we have is horrible - it's MADE to look filthy);- Bathroom: Well, it needs a new tub, but we're not getting into that, so a nice new shower head, light fixture and maybe have the shelving put up on the wall (instead of resting on the back of the toilet);- Office: Paint the walls the deep tan and burgundy we picked out and hang the burgundy shelving we have for our books - new blinds would be nice too;- Spare bedroom: Add a futon, put the smaller tv stand in the corner with the tv and dvd player, put weights, yoga stuff and exercise videos in there with some pretty plants and voila!;
Upstairs:- Front entryway: tile the floor, remove carpet from stairs and refinish the wood, new solid wood front door (wide one) with french type windows;- Living room: hang up pictures that are currently leaning on the wall and perhaps paint a cool picture to go above the couch on the long wall. Buy some wooden venetians for the bay window (for the winter time especially!);- Dining Room/Kitchen: Ceramic tile on the floor, new counter tops, knock out wall between dining/kitchen and replace with an island, recessed pot lights over the sink (new faucet), those cute lights on the long stems over the island, cupboards with glass fronts on upper cabinets, French-style 'terrace' door leading onto deck;- Bedroom: (simple!) Shutter style closet doors (white);- Floor throughout: refinish the hardwood a medium warm tone;
Not all of it is expensive, you can find a lot on usedottawa and kijiji nowadays (I've already contacted a few people who are selling odds and ends after renos). So we'll see. I know it'll be a long process (I'm thinking hopefully over the next five years we'll tackle most of it), but I'm hoping that with time, patience, and a little imagination we can create a charming, inviting space to live and entertain in. :)

This past weekend was an interesting one, and in many ways, restful (which I needed). Physically, I was constantly working on one thing or another, but mentally, I clocked out and and just enjoyed my days and nights. I spent Saturday afternoon in the backyard with Tigger, cleaning out and organizing the shed (Luc surprised us part-way through with icecream cones which was very sweet as it was EXTREMELY hot out!!) Then Saturday evening, we went on a date, which we haven't done in a looong time. We drove down by the marina in Aylmer and decided to try out a little bistro with a patio (though we ended up sitting inside as it was too full). The atmosphere was very calm and 'artsy', the music was good, and the service, for the most part was good. I had the grilled tuna steak with dill sauce (not as good as when Luc makes it, I have to say), and Luc had a big steak topped with risotto cheese (which is very 'aromatic' - to say the least). ;) Anyway, after we finished up there, we headed into the New Edinburg neighbourhood in Ottawa, to attend the Lumiere Festival. It was very cool. Here are some pictures:

It was just as I imagined it to be, pathways lit with glowing paper lanterns, paper maché sculptures, and crowded with people of every age. There were musicians, dancers, fire show people, people on stilts (they scare me), and women dressed as fairies who would flit around through the bushes, with candles in their hands, stopping every so often to do some sort of choreographed 'candle-dance' which was interesting (I have to admit, I wanted to be one - they were so beautiful in their white gowns and big white fluttery wings!! Totally engaged my 'dressup' side! :) )
Anyway, once we'd done the rounds, we met up with some friends for a drink at a pub in the market area, and then headed home. Sunday was more of the same - I ran errands, cleaned up the office (it's starting to look like a very spacious, inviting office and painting room). :) We still need to take down the baby wall-border and paint it, but for now it looks a million times better just having had the boxes unpacked or stored in the closet, and a tropical tree added (sale at Zellers, woohoo!).
I got Waverly's latest newsletter today (School of the Seasons) and, as always, enjoyed reading it immensely. Everything she talks about always has an odd way of coinciding with something going on in my life. Even simple things like, a few weeks back, I was sitting waiting for the bus, when a huge (the biggest I've ever seen) black crow swooped down and stood beside me. He was absolutely beautiful (and thankfully didn't 'squawk' at me). Watching him, I realized how interesting those birds are, and I did a little research on them the next day. They're highly intellegent birds, and they have some 'endearing' qualities too like their love for shiny objects (I can understand totally, ha ha). Anyway, so last night I was walking along the side of the soccer field near my place with Tigger, and a big black crow was picking cheese off a McDonalds wrapper on the ground. I expected him to fly away (Tigger has a fascination with birds and I'm always afraid he'll catch one in his mouth like my Dad's dog used to do). Anyway, he didn't fly away until he'd neatly torn the corner of paper off that contained the cheese he wanted, and then he picked it up and flew it into the field where he landed and continued to pick at the cheese. Quite remarkable if you think about it. So back to Waverly, she mentioned crows (and her love of them) in her newsletter, and recommended the following book, which she is currently reading: Song of the Crow by Layne Maheu, Unbridled Press 2006
Maybe I'll give it a try when I'm done my Irish ghost stories book. ;)

Another thing she discussed was how the seasons are divided in our calendar and how many people choose to mark the seasons themselves (in order to align them more closely with what is actually happening outside). I find that our seasons in Canada are actually pretty well marked, but I did notice things like, in February, Waverly (who lives in Washingon) was talking about walking through the neighbourhood which was filled with spring flowers and warm spring breezes while I was huddled in my back office with the space heater on, counting the days until the snow would melt, which wasn't for another two months. Anyway, she mentioned in her newsletter, that long ago, they used to say that August 2 (around Lammas) was the first day of Autumn. She divides Autumn into two parts, 'early Autumn' which is August 2 - September 22, and 'late Autumn' which is September 23rd to the end of October. I like that. Last night I had a wonderful sleep, thanks to the cool, crisp late-summer air that was coming in through the windows (a welcome relief from the steam-bath we've been living in the last couple of weeks). And today it's a high of +24, which is beautiful - I feel energized, and look forward to my evening stroll, instead of dreading it (it's not as fun in +35). So I'm going to (quietly) recognize this as early Autumn, the start to the Harvest season, and that makes me happy - sunshiny, golden days are ahead, it's my fave time of year, and I'm so glad it's here!! :)
S

Frost... Snowy sunset, crunch and plumes of steam as our breath hangs on the air. The snow is painted blues, pinks and golds, our shadows scattered and distorted along the tops of drifts, as we push onward against the cold, looking forward to a nice hot cup of tea... That's where I wish I was, in some ways. I love the summer, with its bright, sunshiney days and sprays of flowers along the pretty banks of the river, but I also do look forward to the spice and excitement of Fall, followed by the glorious silence of winter when the world stops racing, time slows down a bit, and those endless job lists that were plaguing us all summer go to sleep... We wake in the dark, work away all day in the warmth of artificial lights, and when we emerge, bundled in soft woolen mitts and scarves, coats meeting the tops of our tall boots, the sun is setting again, and the twinkle and glitter of holiday lights wink their joy down at us from the frozen tree tops. After a hot, comforting supper, it's dark and calm as I wash up the dishes and tidy the kitchen. Then bundling back up in 'long-johns' and heavy boots, Tigger and I will set out into the dark, where snowflakes swirl down around the street lamps and the ice sparkles like crystal, reflecting those heavily adorned lawns with their giant 'bonhommes' and christmas light reindeer. Then I often spend my evenings in candlelight with some good music - Norah Jones, Hayley Sales (this year), Annie Lennox or KT Tunstall... There, in my softly lit living room, I while away the hours quietly working on small projects I had no time for in the summer when the demands of inside and out were constantly tugging at me from every direction... Sounds darn good huh? I won't mention the biting cold that whips through your clothing and sinks into your bones, or the fact that sunlight becomes a scarce resource that most of us who are stuck inside rarely get a chance to feel on our skin... Or that winter and this darkness lasts about 6 months of the year, those months that seem to drag on forever. But right about now, it's looking VERY enticing. :)

Can you tell I'm tired?

Well, due to the fact I forgot my herbal at home, and I don't have access to the Internet, I had to post my Lammas info from another source (School of the Seasons). I've taken a selection from what Waverly suggests this holiday is about:
"Honoring the Grain God or Goddess Bake a loaf of bread on Lammas. If you've never made bread before, this is a good time to start. Honor the source of the flour as you work with it: remember it was once a plant growing on the mother Earth. If you have a garden, add something you've harvested--herbs or onion or corn--to your bread. If you don't feel up to making wheat bread, make corn bread. Or gingerbread people. Or popcorn. What's most important is intention. All that is necessary to enter sacred time is an awareness of the meaning of your actions. "
"Corn Dolly Another way to honor the Grain Goddess is to make a corn doll. This is a fun project to do with kids. Take dried-out corn husks and tie them together in the shape of a woman. She's your visual representation of the harvest. As you work on her, think about what you harvested this year. Give your corn dolly a name, perhaps one of the names of the Grain Goddess or one that symbolizes your personal harvest. Dress her in a skirt, apron and bonnet and give her a special place in your house. She is all yours till the spring when you will plant her with the new corn, returning to the Earth that which She has given to you."
"Food for Thought Lammas is a festival of regrets and farewells, of harvest and preserves. Reflect on these topics alone in the privacy of your journal or share them with others around a fire. Lughnasad is one of the great Celtic fire-festivals, so if at all possible, have your feast around a bonfire. While you're sitting around the fire, you might want to tell stories. Look up the myths of any of the grain Gods and Goddesses mentioned above and try re-telling them in your own words.
Regrets: Think of the things you meant to do this summer or this year that are not coming to fruition. You can project your regrets onto natural objects like pine cones and throw them into the fire, releasing them. Or you can write them on dried corn husks (as suggested by Nancy Brady Cunningham in Feeding the Spirit) or on a piece of paper and burn them.
Farewells: What is passing from your life? What is over? Say good-bye to it. As with regrets, you can find visual symbols and throw them into the fire, the lake or the ocean. You can also bury them in the ground, perhaps in the form of bulbs which will manifest in a new form in spring.
Harvest: What have you harvested this year? What seeds have your planted that are sprouting? Find a visual way to represent these, perhaps creating a decoration in your house or altar which represents the harvest to you. Or you could make a corn dolly or learn to weave wheat. Look for classes in your area which can teach you how to weave wheat into wall pieces, which were made by early grain farmers as a resting place for the harvest spirits.
Preserves: This is also a good time for making preserves, either literally or symbolically. As you turn the summer's fruit into jams, jellies and chutneys for winter, think about the fruits that you have gathered this year and how you can hold onto them. How can you keep them sweet in the store of your memory? "

I think I might try to at least bake some bread, as I remember I had wanted to do last year (but as usual, was too busy with something-or-other to do it). The only problem this year is that our stove doesn't quite fit comfortably between the wall and the counter in our kitchen, so I'm afraid that it may be too snug to be safely baking things in it (there's like maybe a few mm between each side and the walls). I do like the idea of really reflecting on our accomplishments so far - as we are celebrating an end to all the madness (working 8 hour days, then racing over to the apartment to work on it for four or five hours at a time). Our tenants picked up their keys yesterday and are moving in today. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it all goes smoothly and we'll be able to finally turn our attentions toward our own house and its myriad of things that need to be done. Anyway, I can certainly be thankful that we stuck with it and got through the crazy month of July (we knew it would be difficult but it seriously tested all our strength, both inner and outer). Now I am looking forward to working on my gardens, cooking real food again, enjoying leisurely walks with Luc and Tigger in the evenings, and actually being able to keep the place clean and tidy as there will be fewer mad dashes out the door (hopefully) in the evenings. :)
Yesterday, it occurred to me that I really am proud of us, as I stood, power drill in hand, looking around at the cozy, clean apartment we were about to offer to our tenants. I never in a million years would have seen us renting apartments out and there is a small sense of pride and accomplishment when you can turn over the keys to a place you love, with the knowledge that the people moving in will surely love it too (maybe not as much as we did, but they'll make it their own and in time will come to love things about it too, I'm sure). For a moment, a week or so ago, I had thought we should sell it. But yesterday I realized that we had put way too much blood, sweat and tears into it to just let it go for nothing. So hopefully we'll hold onto it until we're ready to move again, then sell both places, collect a bit of money for a downpayment on a new place, and then finally settle in somewhere permanent (or at least longer term). :)
Anyway, so here's to a summer of hard work and learning experiences - now we get to sit back and enjoy a bit of the 'harvest' which is enjoying our new life in beautiful Aylmer. :)
S